Yesterday morning, I was forced into one.
I take off from the couch, change into my favorite red bikini and throw some clothes over the top. Time to stop moping and wasting away the best years of my life.
If anything, I’m safer where there’s people.
So, I head to the beach.
I walk the long way there, glancing over my shoulder every minute to make sure I’m not being followed.
So far, I’m in the clear. Valerian stands out of the crowd. It won’t be hard to recognize him.
I make it to the beach and set up near the water. Nothing calms the soul like a bit of vitamin D on a hot summer’s day. I lather up on sunscreen, take out my book and relax. I’m surrounded by families.
Hearing kids laughing always strikes a nerve. The family closest to me are playing ping pong, each taking turns whacking the ball. The sounds of crashing waves fade as I picture my own childhood.
If Dad knew how to keep it in his pants, we could have done fun activities like this. Taken beach days out. Gone on vacation.
‘Sorry, Joy. I’m in the Bahamas for the next two weeks. I’ll see you back at school.’
I throw my phone across the couch after reading that text from my friend. Jealousy sinks its familiar teeth into my chest.
All of my friends from school are on summer vacation.
I’m the only one left.
Fuck them.
I fold over the page in my book, stuff it in my beach bag. Time for a swim.
I ease myself under the water, one body part at a time. It’s a little cool but I don’t mind that. It takes me out of my head. I’ve always liked swimming for that reason.
That’s why I always finished first place in my school’s swim meets.
I dive under each wave until I’m past the whitewash. This is much better. I can still hear the faint sound of the ball hitting the bat, but I tune it out, lying flat on my back to float.
I squint, looking up at the sky. Lila was right. This really is the perfect summer’s day.
I extend my arms either side of me, flexing my fingers, feeling the water glide between them. I imagine the saltwater washing away all of my worries. Cleansing my mind. Making me feel new again.
Even in the winter, I’d come out for a swim. I grew up close to Santa Monica Pier.
I liked to swim out and float, watching the Ferris wheel change colors.
Maybe in another life, I get to be the girl that goes to the theme park with her family on the weekend.
I dive under the surface, feeling the saltwater brush through my hair. Through the underwater mist, I see a propeller turn a few yards ahead. People tend to bring their boats down here. It’s a great way to see all of the coastline. The beaches are my favorite part about LA.
I swim down. Surprisingly, the water’s clear. A school of fish swim right past me. Beautiful little creatures. I love seeing colorful things.
I work in fashion and it’s cool, but I’m surrounded by gray most of the time. People wear the same things. Do the same shit. Los Angeles is supposed to be home to Hollywood and bright lights. But I’ve never seen that side of the city.
Being with Igor didn’t inspire me. He just made the gray look less… gray.
Suddenly, I feel something curl around my ankle. I kick my foot. Maybe it’s just a bit of seaweed as I reach the seabed.
I’m wrong.
I whip around, swimming in the other direction. But I’m locked in. I can’t swim. I choke out a breath. Something has a hold of me.