“Why?” I asked, rolling down the window so I could feel the wind on my skin. It was probably going to get cold about halfway back, but for as long as I could remember, I preferred fresh air to artificial heating or cooling.
I should have expected something when it took him a few minutes to grunt. “It’s my birthday.”
I let that settle for a couple of minutes before taking a deep breath. “Like…today?”
“I’m surprised you didn’t know, considering you have access to my file,” he said with a confused frown.
“You know, when I’m looking at your medical files, I’m looking for any red flags I need to keep an eye out for, any ya know, quote unquote maintenance that might need to be done, anything and everything that isn’t your birth date,” I told him,letting my hand bounce on the breeze as he picked up speed. “Normally, people tell other people when their birthdays are.”
“I told you.”
“Uh-huh, and if our conversation hadn’t prompted you to tell me the truth, a truth you considered hiding, by the way, I noticed that, then when would you have mentioned it? Or would someone else at the outpost have mentioned it? Probably Cait, but still?—”
“I don’t know.”
“Uh-huh. You’re something sometimes, Xander, just so you know.”
“I’ve been called worse.”
“I bet,” I said with a roll of my eyes and turning my attention back to the road as we drove further from the small patch of civilization we’d hung around for a few hours.
It was stupid to get my feelings hurt because he hadn’t told me it was his birthday. Some people didn’t like to make a big deal about their birthdays. He wasn’t the type to want attention; I knew that, so it fell right in line with the rest of his personality.
My annoyance came from unfair expectations; I knew that. I might have a foot in the door to his inner world, but I couldn’t lie to myself and pretend it was more, or expect it to be more. I’d just found my way into his life when his sexuality took a detour on him. It made sense that would give me some glimpse into his life, his head, when I was the one actively participating in his self-discovery. That, however, didn’t mean?—
“You too,” he grunted, so quietly it took me a moment to shake myself out of my thoughts and look at him.
“Huh?” I asked. It had been a little while since either of us had spoken, so I wasn’t sure what he was talking about.
He shifted in his seat, his lips thinning, and I watched him take a breath and speak up. “You asked when was the last timeI was myself around someone else. You said Cait, and you were right.”
“Right,” I said slowly.
He looked pained when he said, “You too. I act like myself more around you…still an asshole though.”
“You are,” I said with a chuckle, squeezing his thigh. “But…thank you for telling me. I know being nice is weird for you.”
“Fuck off,” he said, but I saw the corner of his mouth twitch.
“I don’t know if it’s because you’re worried that being nice makes you look weak, or if it’s a vulnerability thing, but I know it’s difficult,” I said, giving another squeeze. “Which is why I said, thank you. I bitched and moaned enough about you not trusting me with stuff, well, this is another thing you trusted me with. So fuck off, I’m going to thank you.”
He shook his head, but his hand rested atop mine and stayed there as we drove. It was one of those moments where there was no sexuality involved to prompt affection from him. Hell, there had barely been any affection in the beginning and eventually only when there was sex for the taking. Yet somewhere over the past week or two, I’d noticed he was slowly warming up to the idea of affection without the need for sexual contact. It was a subtle, quiet thing, but I’d noticed it all the same, and it happened without warning.
Which, of course, meant irony had struck while the iron was hot, and I could feel myself sliding from affection into attraction. It would be stupid to say that unaffected affection was a kink of mine, but it definitely was a turn-on. My fingers slid over his thigh, and I slid over the seat closer to him.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he asked gruffly as my fingers slid over his groin and grabbed the button of his pants.
“I mean, I didn’t get you anything for your birthday,” I said, undoing his pants.
“You’re an idiot. I’m fucking driving. This is how people get killed.”
“Then slow down and try not to run over any animals. It’s not like we’re going to run into anyone out here, right?”
“I…this is stupid.”
“And yet you’re getting hard.”
‘Getting’ was only slightly accurate. Apparently he had been ‘getting’ hard when my hand had been on his thigh, either that or the threat of my sexual attention had got him hard in such record time I would have to be concerned if he hadn’t already been halfway there. And apparently, he wasn’t upset with my idea, considering he scooted forward enough to give me room to fish him out of his pants.