“Silly Aurora,” I croon, continuing to brush her teeth at the same time as mine. “How’s mama doing? Is mama brushing her teeth well?”
“Yes, mama! Boom boom!”
“Come on, sweetie. I just spit, now it’s your turn. One, two…”
I lift her up, then freeze just as she opens her mouth to spit out her toothpaste.
“What do you mean, boom boom?”
“Arm boom boom!”
My heart races as I bring her back down, and kneel at her level. “Boom boom… like Papa?” I whisper.
“No, not Papa.Boom boom.”
“You didn’t see Papa,” I try to understand. “But you saw something that goes boom boom. Is that right?”
“Yes!” she chirps.
“Did you know the man who had the boom boom?” I say in a strangled voice. “Have you seen him before?”
I wait as she screws her face up to think, my heart beating so wildly I feel faint.
“Uh huh,” she confirms with a big smile. “I know boom boom!”
“Okay.” I close my eyes, pressing my forehead to hers. “Tell me, baby. Was it Logan? You know, Logan, who played ball with you?”
“Uh uh.” She shakes her head gravely.
“Was it Everest? The man with the blond hair?”
“No,” she tells me. “Boom boom!”
This time, there’s no doubt about whatboom boommeans.She extends her arm, mimicking a gun going off.
At any other time, I’d be overwhelmed with guilt at the thought that my two-year-old daughter has seen so many guns in her life that she can pretend to fire one. At any other time, I’d be kicking myself for not having been able to shield her from such violence.
But right now, I’m far too panicked to think of anything but our impending danger.
She saw a gun.
But so what? Lots of people carry guns. So what?
She knows him.
Maybe she’s wrong. Or maybe I’m not understanding her. Maybe… Maybe…
But I can’t come up with a single reassuring explanation.
“It wasn’t Papa?” I insist.
“Nuh uh. He had boom boom.He.”
“Who’s he?” I ask desperately. “What’s his name?”
“Boom boom! Boom boom!”
It’s no use. She doesn’t know. She doesn’t remember.