“My husband wants to date me.”
Aspen and Maggie both stop talking and look at me.
“Excuse me?” Maggie asks.
“Two days ago, after he claimed me and all that, he asked if we could date. Or really, he said we could start as friends and then date, but all I heard was the word date, and now things are weird, and I don’t know what to do. I am freaking out. I thought I hated him, but now that I know that he doesn’t hate me and kind of wants to maybe see if this marriage can be more. I am thinking that maybe it could be more. Like last night, his knee brushed mine, and I wanted it to do it again. I wanted him to press against me. I think I am losing my mind. Like seriously losing it.”
I gasp for breath when I am finally done word vomiting on them. Holy shit, I didn’t realize how much I needed to get that off my chest.
“Breathe, Rain. Is it really so bad to date the man you married? I mean, what do you really even know about him? Why did you hate him anyway?” Maggie asks.
“Oh, she hated him because when she was seventeen, I think it was? She flirted with him. She was underage, though, and Ridge is a gentleman. He never looked her way. He brushed her off until he finally told her to back off,” Aspen answers for me.
“He didn’t tell me to back off. He said I was a kid and that he doesn’t look at children in that way. It was embarrassing,” I admit.
“You’re what? Eight or nine years apart?” Maggie asks.
“About that. I’m twenty-four, and I think he’s thirty-three, but he was also mentoring with my dad, and well, I guess now I can see why flirting with a seventeen-year-old would have been a creepy thing.”
Aspen laughs. “Yeah, because he is a good guy. It seems like he doesn’t still think you are a kid, though.”
“No. I guess he doesn’t. I have just told myself I hated him for so long that now I am looking at him differently, I realize that maybe I was keeping the hate to hide my embarrassment?” I leave it as a question, unsure if it’s the truth.
“That and being rejected sucks, especially as a teen. Your feelings were hurt, so you manifested them into something you could wield as a weapon. It didn’t help that your dad was mentoring him, so you had to see him. If he had been any other brother, you would have seen him maybe twice a year, and the feelings could have dissipated, but with Ridge, he was always there.” Aspen shrugs.
“I don’t know how to act around him anymore. I still want to lash out sometimes, but I’m biting my tongue. I don’t even know who I am right now.” I groan, letting my head fall onto the table.
Aspen snorts. “So stop biting your tongue. Be who you are. If you say something mean, apologize. He isn’t asking you to change who you are. It seems he likes you the way you have always been. So throw those Rain zingers that I know you have. Maybe instead of causing pain like you always attempted in the past, it can be a source of entertainment for you both. Some couples use bickering as foreplay.”
“I could totally see that working for you two,” Maggie adds.
“You guys make it look so easy,” I mumble.
“Easy? Panther hated me when he met me. He blamed me for everything that happened. It wasn’t until he realized that I was going through my own trauma and that I truly cared for Aspen that he finally opened his eyes and saw that maybe I wasn’t the bad guy,” Maggie reminds me.
Aspen jumps in. “Asher was a memory of the abuse I had to suffer through. He was both the last person I wanted to see and the only person who could make me feel anything but the soul-crushing guilt I had inside of me. Trust me, it was not easy for us to get to where we are. We are still working through shit.”
“Of course. Sorry. That was insensitive of me,” I say softly.
“No. No way. We didn’t say that for your guilt. We say that because every single relationship has its issues. It isn’t going to be all roses and sunshine. You will fight. You will want to throttle him. At the end of the day, it will be the love you have for him that keeps you off a true crime documentary.” Aspen gives me a knowing look.
“So you are saying be myself, but go on these dates with him?” I ask for clarification.
“You don’t need us to tell you what to do, Rain.” Maggie reaches out and touches my hand. “You already know what you want to do. You are coming to us to validate that it is the right decision, but we can’t tell you that. You have to trust yourself.”
“Ugh. You guys are the worst friends ever. No help at all.” I jest.
“Totally,” Aspen chimes in.
“Absolute worst,” Maggie deadpans.
Then we all laugh because the truth is, these women are the best friends I have ever had.
I don’t know what I would do without them.
Ridge
It’s another long day at work, not that I mind it. I enjoy working in construction. It’s a good workout for my body while alsogiving my mind a chance to rest. When I am here, I don’t think about everything that can go wrong or has gone wrong. I only think about the task in front of me.