She’s blinking slowly like she’s trying to process whether I’m serious or simply clinically unwell.
“Declan,” she says carefully, “you have me at a loss.”
“Thank you,” I reply, leaning back like I’ve just won something. “Means a lot.”
She shakes her head. “Yeah, that wasn’t a compliment. Have you tried talking to… Maddy?”
“Marlow,” I correct sharply.
“Right, sorry,” she says. “But have you?Reallytried talking to her?”
“Have I tried?” I scoff. “Of course I’ve tried. I’ve called, texted, emailed. I sent flowers to her office. Even a singing stripper gram with a man who looked like me, wearing my jersey.”
“You didwhat?” she nearly yells, leaning forward like she misheard.
“It was the only way I finally got her attention.”
“And what did she do?”
“She threw a soccer ball at my head. But at least she reacted.” I pause. “Still wants the divorce, though.”
“Go figure.”
I run a hand down my face, the frustration eating me alive. “I don’t know what else to do, doc. Is it crazy that I love her? That my breathing hasn’t been right since the morning I woke up and she was gone?”
She doesn’t answer right away. Just watches me with something almost soft. Understanding?
“It’s not crazy at all, Declan,” she says finally. “But for a marriage to work, both people have to want it. And it doesn’t seem likeshe does. Maybe it’s time you let her go. Maybe it’s time you find someone who wants the same thing you do.”
I snap.
“What thefuckdon’t you get, Coach Saunders?” I shoot to my feet, fists clenched at my sides. “Thereisno one else! You keep asking why I’m off my game, why I’ve suddenly got ink crawling up my neck like I’m unraveling—it’sbecause of her!I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to feel out of control. But for the fucking life of me, I can’t figure out why I’m not right without her.”
I pause, chest heaving. “So no, I reject your nice, neat little suggestion. Ifoundher. And I’m not ready to let her go.”
I turn, ready to storm out, rage burning hot in my throat. But the next thing she says lands heavy, even though it’s the calmest thing she’s said to me.
“Then maybe,” she says, “it’s time you show her what she’s missing without you, too.”
Maybe it is.
Chapter twenty-six
Sweater Weather & Soccer Daddy
Eslin
I’m doing this. I am actually doing this. Enacting my friendship mode with Grant. Being a grown-up about our boundaries. Proving it can be done by accepting his invitation to join him and his daughter for a friendly, no-big-deal dinner.
But first, I need a pep-talk.
“Happy Holidays! Welcome to HollyDates!”
“Happy Holidays, Holly, girl!”
Yes, I say it now without giving her a hard time. At least it’s October.
She’s even transformed the place for the time of year. HollyDates in the fall is what I imagine heaven looks like for women whohoard throw pillows and pumpkin-scented candles. The whole café looks like it was personally blessed by the Autumn Fairy.