Something switches inside him—not onto anger, but onto a chilling calm. And I gasp when he scoops me up, cradling me against his chest. It’s a long way down. I grip his neck, so he doesn’t drop me down the stairs—or throw me down them. Would he? No. He doesn’t. He walks me carefully down them, his heavy feet hitting the basement floor.
“Erik!” I can’t breathe. “Put me down!”
He does. Gently. With care. My back meets the cold floor. His hand covers my mouth, before I’ve even decided to scream. He comes down over me with the smooth authority of a man who has done this before, who knows exactly how much of his weight to distribute, to cover me, to confuse me with warmth, familiarity—and control. Who knows the exact way to hold me beneath him so that I can’t move. Can hardly breathe.
Tears drip down my cheeks. I blink through them, trying to search the eyes of the man above me, trying to find a glimpse of my loving brother.
“Sh. Blesk, I’m not going to hurt you. You know that. I’m always gentle.God,I love you.” He kisses my lips. “You know that. I would do anything for you. I have. But I know you won’t listen to me unless you feel this again. How good this can feel. How right it feels."
My eyes widen when he uses his hips to force my legs apart, his erection rubbing between my thighs. Bile coats my throat and tongue.
I close my eyes, not wanting to see his face. The backs of my eyelids are dark and featureless, so I fix my attention there. Disappear into there.
Disappear.
Disappear.
He nuzzles the crook of my neck, the air from his nose hitting my skin. Even and heavy, he pants. Something wet slides up the column of my throat, leisurely, as if we have all day and—oh God.No one knows where we are. We are not at home. Not in our rooms. Not wary of Dad or any intruders…
I sob.
“Please don’t cry, Bebe."
Disappear.
I try to ignore all the places his hands are and the disturbing ardour of his touch. My nipples ache even though his fingers on them are gentle.
He rocks against me, groaning, “God, no one else gets me this hard. Ever."
I will my hands to match my fierce pulse, a sound that roars between my ears, but they are not strong nor powerful, shaking and heavier than I can lift. I will them to slap him or push him away, but what would happen? Would he stop or turn the gentle pressure to hard?
My hands search the floor at my sides for something solid, finding nothing to hold on to, so I dip my nails into the concrete until they hurt.
The rhythmic grinding of his erection between my thighs awakens that part of me I never consent to. When I grow wet and prepared for him. Fingers slide up my thigh, lifting my dress to my waist, leaving the thin, damp piece of fabric protecting me. The ridge of his erection is so hard, his pace against me so slow, so entitled.
"Oh, fuck,yes.” He feels my damp warmth. “See, it’s you and me. Always.”
A deep groan vibrates from him and through my chest.
Disappear.
"Don’t you remember how good this was? The first time we did this? And how close we became? How devoted I was? More than before. You bled. Oh God, Blesk. You bled. I couldn’t believe how much you bled. That means something to me. You gave me your virginity. The thought of Konnor touching you... Fucking hell, it’s driven me out of my goddamn mind. I’ve been going crazy, and I need you to calm me down. So I can think straight.” His tongue traces a tear that rolls down my cheek. “Please don’t cry, Bebe.”
I want to scream, ‘Stop.’
"I’m the only person who's been inside you, right?"
I nod frantically.
"Good."
Disappear!
When he unbuttons his jeans and shifts his weight to pull them down, my mind fades out, leaving him alone with my body. The old lightbulb hangs loosely from the ceiling, dark, rocking back and forth in a draft from somewhere.
Or maybe I’m rocking.
It’s dark down here. Only thin tendrils of daylight come through the latch above, and they don’t reach the floor. He must know this ceiling well—my hero boy. All those nights, staring up at it, waiting. I find a web of cracks in the concrete above me; they creep out as if they have been soundlessly splitting for a very long time, working towards the moment everything comes down.