5. A variety of daydreams involving Rachel in his shower, which were only intensified by the sight of her wearing his clothes.
6. The destruction of the sitting room rug, now languishing in a skip at the local dump.
7. Getting Oscar grounded for a month, even though he’d held off telling Christine the full details of her son’s Adventures In Alcohol Poisoning.
8. Seeing red and implying that Christine couldn’t handle Oscar when she tried to blame Tom for his behaviour.
9. Making a non-date with Rachel that he very much wished was a proper date, which would involve her listening to awful music under (sort of) false pretences.
10. Not feeling nearly guilty enough about 1, 2, 5 and 9.
March
New Year’sOngoing resolutions
1. Consider exercise an act with actual benefits – both mental and physical – not merely grim punishment for pizzas consumed.Have a proper go atContinue letting Greg drag me to yoga.
2.Also re-downloadComplete Couch to 5K running app andactually do the programme.Keep running at least twice per week –alwaysbeing careful not to perv on anyone improper.
3. Apply for promotion at work at first chance. Move to bigger account and try to get pay rise. Avoid, if possible, further projects concerning dog biscuits, disinfectant, high-quality printer ink cartridges, ‘miracle’ grass seed, organic vegetables, etc.
3a. Try to hang on to job (and temper) despitepresence of evil ex-boyfriendhideousness of certain clients.
3b. Ignore everyone who keeps banging on about how fitheJack is.
3c. Ignore how fit he is.
3d. Ignore the fact he keeps trying to be friendly/nice/possibly quite flirtatious.
3e. Ignore the fact he is getting divorced.
4. DO NOT agree to further dates with Laurence. Remember: it’s no use having a boyfriend who is good on paper if you do not actually fancy him.
4. Forget that Laurence even EXISTS (despite usefulness of overblown ‘romantic’ gestures for creating illusion of deeply devoted boyfriend).
5. Try to remember Mum means well, even during phone calls where sheimplies I am doomed to a lonely life of penury because I am thirty with no partner, hardly any savings and no mortgageinsists on talking about the babies/breasts of people I went to school with.
6. HOWEVER,do not(!!!) speak to Mum when suffering PMT. Set phone alerts for likely spells based on period tracker intel.
7. Try to address ‘hardly any savings’ situation.(If promoted, set aside extra earnings for future house deposit instead of spaffing it all on ASOS.)(Do not spend entire pay rise on‘cheer up’ treats to distract from heinous ex-boyfriend mess.)hot new outfits for work – see 3c.)
8. Try to eat my five-a-day. (Remember horrid rule that potatoes do not count.)
9. Start using proper night cream with retinol.SERIOUSLY.
10. Do the best possible job helping Tom with exhibition. Be supportive and discreet re Oscar.
19
Rachel and Jack’s success with Sir Humphrey saw them drafted in to help oversee a flurry of small pitches in the following few weeks. Their names began to be used in tandem, as though they were twin halves of some 2-for-1 deal: ‘See what Rachel and Jack think’; ‘Ask Jack and Rachel for their take on it’; ‘Jack and Rachel might be able to help.’
Kemi and her friends openly resented this, and Rachel fielded countless impudent questions about the nature of their relationship from women whose interest in ‘Hot Harper’ was far from professional. This was irritating, but Rachel couldn’t help feeling warmed by her proximity to Jack’s star – excited by her colleagues’ envy, although it was mostly misplaced.
When Greg suggested she might be enjoying the speculation surrounding their closeness, however, she strenuously denied it – even threatening to cancel post-yoga cocktails if he wouldn’t stop sniping. Greg complied, but his silence on the subject still spoke volumes – as did his regularly raised eyebrows.
Rachel knew that a handful of her co-workers still considered the mystery of her Valentine’s Day flowers unsolved. On the other hand, she was aware that, while Jack had assumed the bouquet was from her secret suitor, plenty of other people thought he’d sent it to her himself. As far as Greg knew, the identity of the giver remained unknown, even to Rachel – a misconception she was happy for him to hold on to.
By mid-March the cheering trumpets of daffodils had taken over London’s parks and window boxes, and Rachel had finally finished Couch to 5K. She didn’t feel as though she’d lost any weight, but that had never been the point. While her clothes weren’t any looser there was a pleasing new firmness to her thighs, and sprinting to avoid missing the bus had become noticeably easier. Most importantly she felt proud of herself for not quitting – for pushing through the pain and believing she could do it, despite her lifelong loathing of exercise. She and Anna celebrated her achievement with several large gin and tonics from the huge bottle of The Botanist that Will had given her on the weekend of her final training run.