“I know you can never forgive me for what I did.”
I shake my head. “That’s my problem, not yours. I…I trust you with Lio.” Doubt fills his eyes. “I do. I never would have allowed you to touch Tennant if I didn’t.Nobodytouches Ten. Ever.”
“Benjamin did. And now me,” he says softly. I nod. “You’re scared.” Another nod, because fuck if I can speak right now. “I can’t make any promises because I already broke trust once before, but what Tennant and I have… He…he’s giving me something I never thought I could have, something I never thought to want. I don’t know how I feel, but…he gives me the promise of discovering more, and I want that, Hollis.”
“I want you to have it. I…want you to have Lio, too. He needs you.”
“That still doesn’t change the fact you’re in charge.You’rehis Owner. You made that perfectly clear.”
“The weight of being in charge means knowing when to ask for help,” I say softly. Sliding my hands into his hair, I bring his face closer to mine. “I’ve already asked Connor to help. I…I need to ask Javi and Doc next—if Javi doesn’t kill me first. But before that, I need to ask you.”
“Me?”
“I need you to be mine, Sandro. Not under me, not my Master…but as someone who I can trust to catch me when I fall, and who can take on the fucking madness that comes with my lovers.”
He huffs a laugh. “It almost sounds like you’re asking to date me, Hollis.”
I snort. “I don’t know what I’m asking for, Allesandro. But we both know what it’s like to be at the top, and also how it feels to spiral out of control. Don’t let me continue to hurt the people I love.”
His free hand reaches up to cup my cheek. “Only if you make me the same promise.”
“Partners,” I tell him. “I don’t like the idea of calling us equals. But Lio…he made some accusations today that showed how far off-balance my relationships have become. I need to fix that. My relationships will never be ‘equal’, but there’s a balance that I’ve failed to maintain. Starting with you, Sandro. My Pup’s Master, my Love’s Boy… My Partner in keeping order, and staying sane.”
He lets out a shaky breath, hope mixed with distrust swirling in his gaze. My heart aches, but I know only time, and showing him I mean what I say, can fix it.
Leaning forward, I close the distance between us, claiming his mouth with mine. It’s a…soft, sweet kiss. There’s no fight for dominance, no giving in to submission. Just the kiss of two people who so desperately want to find their way.
When the kiss breaks, he wipes a tear from my cheek.
“Will you go with me?” I ask. “To find Doc and Javi?”
“Of course. It’s what partners are for.”
He brushes another soft kiss to my lips, and then we untangle ourselves. When Sandro holds my hand in his, something about it feelsright. My heart feels as if it’s bleeding out, and the urgeto cut is still there, but as we walk hand in hand to the medical wing, I don’t feel so numb.
Javi and Doc are together, and they take one look at me and jump into action. Releasing Sandro’s hand is hard, but I know he’ll be there when I need him, like he was once before. And this? Letting Doc lead me to a medical room while Javi goes to do…something—probably to alert Connor about my stay—is my promise to him, and everyone I love.
None of us can walk on shattered glass anymore, and it’s time I lead by example. Before it kills us all.
Ishiver as I brush my teeth, trying to rid myself of the taste of vomit. Despite being cold, I’m sweating, making everything worse. Spitting out the toothpaste, I rinse my mouth before spitting that out too.
“Are you questioning me, Cucciolo? Because that’s not your place.”
I quickly grab onto the bathroom counter as another violent shiver rips through me, my body struggling to hold in the emotions that are pouring out of me. Tears run down my face, and I fight to breathe. Black spots begin to form in front of me as the anxiety steals my sight, and fuck, my entire being.
The door explodes open, and I whirl around, grabbing the closest thing possible—a fucking toothbrush—to protect me. When I notice it’s Daddy, I drop it, my knees giving out. Thankfully, Daddy’s strong arms catch me. I snuggle in, and mycries turn to sobs. He’s going to hate me, but I can’t help soaking up the love and comfort I feel from him right now.
He lifts me up and I wrap my legs and arms around him, holding tightly. I feel the movement, but I keep my face turned into his neck, his shirt collar becoming damp, but I can’t help it as the torrent of feelings inside me are unleashed. He rubs my back, despite it all, taking everything I give.
The next thing I know, we’re in yet another bathroom, but when he gently sits me down, I’m completely spent. Blinking, it takes me a moment to realize we’re in his suite—well, my Sir’s, Daddy’s, Roman’s, and Jude’s suite. Panic tries to rise again, but there’s nothing left in me, only numbness and a touch of fear that Daddy will walk away.
He kisses my forehead sweetly, but I’m struck mute, unable to say anything. When he turns on the shower, I realize I’m still shivering. Soon the room is filled with steam, and for a moment, I balk at the idea of getting in a shower, but the soft, concerned look in Daddy’s eyes is enough to push the fear away. Maybe I’m selfish, but I want to soak in the last of these moments… Before he finds out that I hurt the man he loves. I can’t imagine he’d choose to stay with me after he discovers how selfish I am.
I let him undress me and then guide me into the shower, and slowly the heat of the water relaxes me. It doesn’t touch the bone-deep cold inside, but it’s enough to stop the uncontrollable trembling. Daddy slowly washes me, and I close my eyes, letting his love encompass me, filling the gaps in my soul, even if only momentarily. It may be self-inflicted damage, but fuck if it doesn’t still hurt.
All I wanted was for my Owner to listen… And he didn’t. Now, I’m adrift in an ocean of misery, caught between what’s right and what’s easy. Part of me wonders if I should have stayed on my knees, just accepted whatever he gave me. But…I don’twant that anymore. I don’t want my submission to be expected, instead of the gift I offer.
I’m more than a submissive. More than a Pup or a Baby Boy. I’m also Death. A co-ruler of the Council. My strength and resilience is stamped all over me. And I can’t put myself in a box that doesn’t fit—not even for my Angel. Or for my Daddy…