I chuckled, but it rang hollow.
“I guess I’m just saying that the physical side of it isn’t enough for me, not any more.What I had with William clearly wasn’t working, but at least there were moments where it felt like we were a couple, a partnership.He wasn’t the right fit for me, and I wasn’t that for him.All the same, it gave me a taste of what it could be like, if I found that right-fit.”
“And you think that could be me.”I felt presumptuous even just asking it.
“You underestimate your own appeal.”
I shook my head.“You just want to fuck me again.”
Flynn flopped back onto the bed, with a sigh.“I genuinely don’t know if you only think about things in terms of sex, or if this is your way of telling me you’re not interested in me.”
He couldn’t see my wince, but that didn’t leave me feeling any less guilty.I eased myself down next to him.“Would you believe me if I said it was neither?”
He rolled onto his side.“Maybe.If you actually explain it.”
“Sex feels like...”I paused, trying to find the right words.“Freedom, I guess.Or a sort of escape.It’s not something I associate with being home.”
Flynn made a face.“Is that ‘home’ as in here, this town; or as in where, and who, you choose to settle down with?”
I frowned at him.“What do you mean?”
He chewed his lip for a moment.“I guess I’m wondering how separate the ideas of being with someone - dating them - and having sexual encounters are, for you.Like, are you always going to want an open relationship?”
“You say ‘always’ like that’s been something I’ve done before.I’ve not had a relationship, period, remember.”
Flynn nodded.“Sure, and I’m not saying that open relationships can’t work.I’m just trying to...understand you.”
“Am I really so strange?”
“Not strange.”His shrug was lopsided, given how he was balanced on his side.“I just think that you’ve sliced your life into so many parts, I’m not sure even you know how they all fit together, now.”
“I’m fine with monogamy.”There was a part of me which felt like I was being tested; that my worthiness as a potential partner was being assessed.I hoped I was just being paranoid.“It’s just not been an option for me, yet.”
His palm felt warm on my chest, the gentle weight of it pleasantly reassuring.Anchoring me against some of the uncertainty his questions had created.
“What if I told you,” Flynn suggested, softly, “that you could have all of those parts satisfied.”
I smiled at him.“That sounds pretty dirty.”
He rolled his eyes.“I was referring to the parts you sliced your life into, pervert.”
It felt like second-nature to place my hand atop his, and guide it down to my crotch.Watching Flynn’s expression as I did it, how amusement shifted into something hungrier, more raw.
“If I’m gonna be accused of being a pervert, I might as well make the most of it,” I told him.
“Your mom’s downstairs,” Flynn reminded me.
“Guess we’ll just have to be quiet, then.”
For a moment I thought he was going to argue.Pull his hand away - it wasn’t like mine was doing anything more than resting on top of it, now - and accuse me of trying to change the subject from what we’d been talking about.A criticism I wasn’t entirely sure I didn’t deserve.
And then I felt his fingers tighten around me, groping me through my jeans.Feeling how I was already excited, just from being there on the bed with him, from his heat and his scent.
“Is this because of me?”His tone was teasing.
I stuck out my tongue.“Unzip me and ask it.”
Flynn laughed, but that didn’t stop him taking my suggestion.Part of it, anyway; his fingers tugging at my button, then pulling down the zipper.Until he could push his hand inside my jeans, and stroke me through my boxer-briefs.