“Oh,” I said, forcing amusement into my tone.“So, I just head out...somewhere, into the big, wide world.And what, seek my fortune and look for love at the same time?”
Flynn didn’t laugh.“Is the plan simply to stay there forever, then?”
I shrugged.My glance down at the menu was more about the intensity of his stare, than actually being any closer to knowing what I wanted to order.“At some point, my parents are going to be old, and need help.”
“Oh, come on, Oli,” he scoffed.“That’s what, two decades away?Getting on for three, even?So, what, you just bide your time, sifting through second-hand clothes and old blenders, watching porn with the volume turned down and jerking off while your parents sit in front of the TV downstairs?”
“Don’t forget my occasional, wide-eyed trips to the magical big city.”I didn’t bother to hide the acid in my voice.“You know, where I get to see the bright lights, and invited to eat at fancy restaurants, and to fuck other people’s boyfriends for them.”
He opened his mouth to respond, then shut it again.Jaw visibly clenching, nostrils flared.
“I don’t want to argue with you,” Flynn said, finally.
I spread my hands, as if to say “and yet look where we are.”
He sighed, knuckling his eyes.“My therapist would’ve probably said this was all because I want someone else to validate my own decisions.”
“If you can predict them so well, maybe it doesn’t matter you can’t afford to pay for the sessions.”
A slight smile, maybe more down to the thaw in my voice than my bad joke.
“And, I mean, obviously I get defensive, too,” I conceded.“Which your therapist would probably say was because I know my life is kinda fucked up right now, and so I lash out at anyone who reminds me of that fact.Assuming they cussed in sessions.”
Flynn chuckled.“Occasionally.I think he tried to match the energy I brought.”
“Oh, then plenty of cussing,” I teased.“I see.”
He shook his head, rueful.“Fucked if you stay, and fucked if you leave.I wonder if there’s a third option, one that neither of us figured out.”
“There are probably millions of ways you could do it.And I doubt very much that any of them are easy, or feel completely successful.”
“Great.”Flynn made a face.“So I’m even ignorant about my ignorance.”
I scooped up the menu again, tilting it so he could see it too.“If it makes you feel more intelligent, you can help me pick what to have.”
He laughed as he leaned over the table.
#
Isettled, eventually, on three different dishes.Plus a verbal agreement from Flynn that I’d at least get to try his meal, too.Even so, I was reluctant to hand over the menu to the waiter, and only pacified with the suggestion that I could always order more if I was still hungry.
“Do you always eat this much?”Flynn was looking at me with an expression somewhere between bafflement and deep respect.
I snorted.“It’s been literally a year since I’ve had Thai food.I can’t afford to let this opportunity go to waste.”
He laughed.“Okay.I’m not judging.”
“Usually,” I added, ever so slightly defensive, “I’d show a little more restraint.”
“Just a little,” Flynn said.
“Right.”
“Well, good.Because otherwise I was gonna assume you spent half your life in the gym, to look like that.”
Annoyingly, and ridiculously, I could feel myself blushing.I took a sip of the beer that’d just been brought over, in the hope that Flynn wouldn’t notice.“Come on...”
Another laugh.“You’ve got a great body.But you know that already.”