“Ahh, I don’t know, Sav. It feels like debating whether or not I should partake in hard drugs at a party. It would feelsogood for a while, but then what if I got addicted, and I couldn’t stop, and it completely ruined my life?”
“Oh my gosh, Sum, it’s not the same. He wouldn’t ruin your life. I’m not suggesting you fall in love with the guy and marry him. I’m just saying, when was the last time you felt this kind of attraction to a man?”
I shake my head. “It’s not happening. I want to be happy alone, but some meaningless sex would be nice every once in a while. I can’t do that with him. He would suck me into his orbit, and I truly don’t think I would ever recover from sex with Dayton.”
The thought alone makes my entire body overheat. Something about me knows that I couldn’t survive him. He would break me, and I’m already fragile enough right now. I’m getting stronger. I’m healing myself, but it’s a slow process.
“I’m gonna say this because I feel like you’re completely unaware of it, but that man isobsessedwith you. He isobsessed. What if he didn’t break you? What if he’s wanted you this wholetime?”
“Ugh, no. This isn’t someplayground bullying because he likes youbullshit. He actually doesn’t like me. I’ve always known it.”
She shakes her head. “I love you, babe, but sometimes, you’re so blind.”
My hand sweats as he interlaces our fingers.
“You will love the live music here. This guy was in a televised singing competition. He got to the top ten before getting eliminated.”
I look up at the side of his face, trying to convince myself that he is cute and that I do like blonds. He grins at someone, lifting his hand to wave.
“Kyle! Hey, man, what’s up?”
I look toward Kyle to see that he’s another version of my date, Rider. They’re both on the shorter side with surfer hair and wearing T-shirts with the sleeves cut off. The sudden realization that they’re the same type as Axel smacks me in the face. I swallow over a lump in my throat.
It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to date him long term. You’re just here to get laid and forget about the one you really want to do it with.
I’ve finally started admitting to myself that sleeping with Dayton would be highly satisfying, but I’ve stopped myself from fantasizing about it. Which is ultimately why I said yes to this date tonight. I need physical release. To be comfortable during sex, I want someone who doesn’t intimidate me.
Rider pulls me along into the Rusty Anchor. He’s only lived here the last six months, but I get the feeling he parties a lot. Wewalk up to the bar, and he orders for us both without asking me what I want.
It’s fine.
There’s only one stool available to sit on, and instead of offering it to me, he takes it. I blink at him, shaking my head.
Okay, still fine. Who cares?
The bartender brings the drinks over and gives us separate bills.
Rider looks up at me. “You have cash or a card?”
My mind is buzzing with irritation as I dig into my purse and hand him my card.
The rest of the night goes poorly, so much so that I seriously debate taking an Uber home. I could walk, but it’s dark and a little far in the shoes I’m wearing. The one gentlemanly thing Rider did was pick me up. I’m pretty sure it was because he wanted to be the one to drive me home and hopefully secure an invite inside.
Yeah, no way in hell.
I can overlook a lot, and I have in my life, but paying for my own drink on a first date is where I draw the line.
He doesn’t drink too much, which is a relief, but he mostly talks to his friends and strangers throughout the night. He seems to know a lot of people.
Definitely a partier.
After an hour, he finally looks at me and asks if I’m having a good time.
“I’m kinda tired actually.”
He leans closer. “You want to go home?”
I nod immediately. He finishes off his second drink, leaves a tip for the bartender, and escorts me out. I’m surprised he was willing to leave so quickly, but I’m not complaining.