“Because it always seemed to me that you could never have feelings for him while he was not only proud but somehow rigid. Well, I do not believe he is so any longer. A man who asks for love is unusual in our society, where most men desire wives without ever reflecting beyond obtaining a mistress for their house and a mother for their children. But you changed him—”
“Stop. Do not go so far. I did nothing except refuse him and shout at him,” said Elizabeth at last, smiling.
“It was enough. He came to understand his mistake not only in the manner of his proposal but in its very substance. He asked you to become his wife, yet he never asked you to love him. At the time, that seemed perfectly natural because society had prepared him for precisely such expectations. Your refusal awakened him to a different reality.”
“You are too reflective. I do not believe such complicated transformations can result from a single rejected proposal.”
“Well, with him they did, and that only proves what an extraordinary man he is.”
“Then I hope he finds love.”
She was pleased with that conclusion because it did not involve her in any way.
Mr Darcy would never know that she had ultimately been impressed by his transformation. It was only natural, for it was obvious that he no longer wished to marry her. Perhaps he still retained some feelings, but this time the struggle within him, if it still existed, had been won by the part of him that desired a woman who loved him.
She had considered that if he learned of her own altered feelings, he might reflect again. Yet she could never use Agnes and the colonel for such a purpose. It would be degrading.
There remained the possibility of telling him herself, directly or indirectly, but that frightened her. He might long since have overcome his love, and she would place herself in an unfavourable, if not humiliating, position.
“Let us enjoy the time we still have together,” said Agnes. “You know that our house will always be open to you for as long as you wish. On the other hand, in Meryton, you will stay with one of your newly married sisters. Why then not remain here with us?”
“I shall answer honestly because I have thought deeply about it. In Meryton, my situation…our situation has changed greatly for the better. I may choose where to live without inconveniencing anyone. Netherfield is a big house where one might go days without seeing another person if one wished, and Longbourn is hardly small. My sisters will not devote themselves to entertaining me, that is certain, yet in Meryton there are my mother, my aunt, my other sisters, and all our friends. I shall not feel alone, because I shall walk into the street and everything will seem as it once did.”
“I understand. Yet here you are close to Pemberley, and your friendship with Miss Darcy grows deeper every day.”
“That is true, but home contains my whole life, and it is there that I wish to remain until—”
“Until?”
“Until I marry,” she replied with such composure that Agnes regarded her rather suspiciously.
“What?” asked Elizabeth. “Have I said something wrong?”
“No. On the contrary, you have said something perfectly sensible.”
“And you are not accustomed to sensible remarks from Elizabeth Bennet?” Elizabeth laughed heartily.
“Well…I am more accustomed to resistance whenever marriage is mentioned, unless it is accompanied by the greatest love.”
“Indeed? I did not say that I intended to marry the first gentleman who offered for me. I merely expressed my wish and my intention to marry. And no, dear Mrs Cooper, Mrs Fitzwilliam very soon, I have no need of either your assistance or the colonel’s.”
“And there is the lack of common sense I am accustomed to in Elizabeth Bennet,” said Agnes, joining in her laughter, though privately she regretted that her friend appeared so determined to avoid any serious reflection upon her feelings for the master of Pemberley. She and the colonel were both convinced that the two fools were deeply in love.
Chapter 32
Darcy read Mrs Cooper’s brief note with astonishment, but before long a deep sense of dread filled him. The colonel had gone to London, yet they had agreed that whatever happened in Derbyshire, they would send for him. And something had happened, for the note was desperate.
Mr Darcy,
I take the liberty of begging you to come here as quickly as possible. Very alarming events concerning Miss Elizabeth, which cannot be explained in a letter, compel me to appeal to you.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs Cooper
His heart tightened painfully. Yet alarming news did not necessarily mean that anything had happened to Elizabeth.
He set out immediately on horseback, instructing the butler to send the carriage after him. Throughout the journey, he went over the note again and again in his mind, unable to imagine what further calamity could have befallen poor Elizabeth.