‘Gotta go to the loo,’ she replies, pushing open the door and walking into the cubicle. ‘See you later!’ She slams the door on me and slides the bolt across.
Did she mean anything by what she said? Or was it just a lot of drunken nonsense? Does she know something about Sadie? I clench my fists and tell myself to relax. I could drive myself crazy thinking about all this. Second guessing myself.
Over the loudspeaker, the MC asks everyone to take their seats as dinner is about to be served. I want to wait for Rebecca to emerge, but I know I’d be better off talking to her when she’s more clear-headed. I turn and make my way back to our table, butterflies kicking in at the thought of having to sit next to Robert with so much unsaid between us.
During the main course – which consists of some kind of chicken in a sauce with spiralised vegetables – even Diane remarks on Robert’s grumpiness.
‘You haven’t been looking after your wife this evening, Robert,’ she chides. ‘You need to pay Gemma some attention.’
I’m taken aback by Diane’s comments. NormallyI’mthe one who comes in for all the criticism, while Robert can do no wrong. Perhaps it doesn’t look good for her, having a miserable son and daughter-in-law. She wants the world to see her perfect, glowing family. I realise I’m now quite drunk, but I’m sober enough to know that opening my mouth here is a bad idea. Robert doesn’t reply either; he just grunts into his wine glass.
‘Robert, did you hear me?’ Diane persists.
‘Yes, Mother, I heard you.’
Diane purses her lips and starts talking to James, but she continues to dart glances at the two of us while I studiously try to avoid catching her eye.
Instead, I continue drinking; alternating gin and tonics with the champagne that Amelia keeps pouring into my other glass. But I can’t seem to reach the state of dull oblivion that I’m aiming for. Instead, sadness and anxiety mingle in my bloodstream, sloshing around with the alcohol. Lately, Robert and I seem to have lost our easy relationship. Our lives these past months have been nothing but peaks and troughs, irritations and misunderstandings. I hope this isn’t some midlife precursor to a divorce. Is he bored with me? Does he still love me? Could he actually be having an affair with Sadie? Does Rebecca know more than she was letting on?
Truly, I don’t think Robertishaving an affair. Maybe… maybe Sadie fell asleep on our bed today. Maybe she even brought a man home and slept with him in our bed. Why she would do this when she has her own bed upstairs is beyond me. Although, she does only have a single bed up there, so maybe that’s why. But to bring a stranger into our house is out of order. And to sleep in our bed with him is crossing way over the line. Although it’s far more preferable to her sleeping with my husband. I want to go home and tell Sadie that we don’t need her any more. I want her to pack her bags and leave.
The evening is endless. After the main course – of which I ate about two mouthfuls – has been cleared away, the charity auction begins. A cheesy guy with a microphone is up on a makeshift stage at the end of the room. Next to him, a table of offerings up for auction: cases of wine, a day at the races, a night at a four-star hotel, lunch with a local celebrity, a ghastly watercolour by a local artist, and more. Every time a new item comes up, Diane nods at Robert and James, encouraging them to raise their paddles and bid.
‘We can’t bid on everything, Mum,’ James says, rolling his eyes. ‘People will realise we’re doing it to get the prices up. It’s getting embarrassing.’
‘It’s for charity,’ Diane retorts. ‘No one will mind. Girls, you can bid too, if you like.’
Amelia catches my eye, trying not to laugh at Diane’s blatant sexism. I force out a smile, annoyed that I’m unable to enjoy tonight. That it’s all going over my head while I stew in a cloud of agitation.
Finally, the auction ends. Robert and I are now the proud owners of the ghastly watercolour as well as a wine-tasting afternoon at a north Dorset vineyard. If indeed we actually are still ‘Robert and I’.
Once we’ve had dessert and coffee, the band starts playing again and the dance floor fills up. I go over to Diane – who’s talking to the auctioneer – to congratulate her on a wonderful evening.
‘It has been rather wonderful, hasn’t it?’ Her words are ever-so-slightly slurred. She takes my hand for a moment. ‘You need to kiss and make up with Robert,’ she says. ‘Whatever he’s done, it’s not worth arguing over.’
‘Whatever he’s done?’ I repeat.
‘Yes. Whatever he’s done. Terence wasn’t a saint, you know. Far from it. But he was my husband and the boys’ father and I loved him. I didn’t love everything he did, but we were married and back then we didn’t make a fuss about things the way people make a fuss of things these days.’
‘You mean we don’t roll over and take it?’
She lets go of my hand in disgust. ‘You have a family, Gemma. Don’t ruin their lives to soothe your ego.’
I love how she thinksI’mthe one who’s doing the ruining. ‘Thanks for a lovely evening, Diane. I’ll see you soon.’
‘You should listen to me, Gemma. I know what I’m talking about.’
I consider leaving the golf club without telling Robert, but that would make things worse, so I go over to the bar where he’s laughing with some old school friends. He senses me at his side and turns away from his friends, towards me, a tumbler of whisky in his hand.
‘I’m going now,’ I say quietly to him. ‘You stay if you like.’
‘You’re not going home on your own,’ he replies, putting an arm around my waist and drawing me close. ‘I’ll come with you.’ His tie is undone, his shirtsleeves rolled up. Robert is easily the most handsome man in the room.Did he sleep with Sadie?
‘I don’t mind if you want to stay,’ I reply evenly, scared of the conversation that lies ahead of us. I take two steps away from him so his arm is no longer around my waist.
‘I’m coming.’ He downs the rest of his drink and says his goodbyes. We collect our coats and make for the exit. ‘I’ll call a taxi.’
‘Let’s walk,’ I say. ‘I need to clear my head.’