I wanted to see Russia.
I wanted to step into the cold and feel something older than all of us. I wanted the golden churches, the wide streets, the language around me, the winter light on stone. I wanted to stand beside Lev and know I had crossed some invisible threshold.
A sensible woman would stay home.
A humiliated woman would hide.
A daughter from a good family would wait for instructions.
But every time I imagine unpacking that suitcase, something inside me recoils.
I go to the bathroom, splash cold water on my face, and look at myself in the mirror.
My eyes are red, despite there being no tears. My dark hair falls loose around my shoulders, a little wild now.
I wipe my face with a towel.
Then I go downstairs, slipping quietly into the dining room.
Mama sits at the long table with a bowl of soup in front of her and a book open beside it, though she’s not reading. She looks up when I enter, and whatever she sees on my face makes her expression change instantly.
“Katyusha?”
I hate that her voice is gentle. It almost undoes me.
I sit across from her because if I stand, I may break.
She reaches for my hand. “What happened?”
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.
Mama rises so quickly her chair scrapes against the floor. She comes around the table and cups my face, searching me with frightened eyes.
“Katerina. Tell me.”
“Lev ended it.”
For one second, she does not understand. Then her face goes still. “What?”
I laugh under my breath, though it hurts. “He ended our engagement.”
“No.” She says it like she can reject the sentence by refusing it. “No, that’s not possible. The flight is tomorrow.”
“He knows, but that doesn’t change anything.”
“His family is expecting you.”
“He knows that, too.”
Her hands fall from my face. She looks suddenly pale. “Why?”
I stare at the bowl of soup cooling in front of her. “He’s in love with Vika.”
The silence that follows is so complete I hear the clock ticking in the hall.
Mama takes a step back. “Vika?” she whispers.
I look up. Her shock is real. That’s almost enough to make me cry again.