Everything about Lilith is perfect. This scar will be too.
Once the sutures are set and I dress her in one of the spare sweatshirts and pairs of sweatpants I have down here, she sits on the blanket, cross-legged and beautiful.
“I’ll walk you upstairs now,” I say.
“Hmm.” The sassy woman she is, she cocks an eyebrow. “Is that a code for something?”
“No.” I laugh, my thumb smoothing over her cheek. “You need rest, and I need to run to the pharmacy to get you antibiotics. Then…” I jerk my chin to Fraser. “He’s served his purpose.”
“Mmm! Mmm!”
“No, no, and nope.” Theppops from her lips.
It’s so sweet that I have to kiss them. I grab her face, lowering mine to hers.
I’m inches from her mouth.
Then she pulls away.
“We’re in this together.” Her lips press into a fine line. “I don’t want you to forget that. You’re not alone anymore. Not an outcast.”
I’m not sure if happiness is the right word for what I’m feeling.
Whatever it is, it’s pretty damn close.
More importantly, it stays. It’s there when I help Lilith get up, when I explain and demonstrate how to choke a person in the most efficient way. She listens, nods, and kills Fraser with her gloved hands that don’t shiver in theslightest. Her belief in what I’m doing—what we’re doing now—is so deep that she just leans into it.
She accepts that part of her, and so do I.
That’s why both of us fall easily into this dynamic, into Lilith’s new role as an active participant and not just an observer.
Together, we get to work, chopping fingers, pulling teeth, and searching for birthmarks and moles. Her concentrated expression and little gasps of joy as she puts everything into it pull at my heartstrings.
They also serve as a slap in the face.
I’d been so wrapped up in my know-it-all doctor bullshit, so certain I knew what was best for her, that I only made things worse.
By taking away her ability to choose, I turned into the very thing I hate.
It doesn’t matter that I did it with her best interests in mind. I fucked up.
Faintly, in the background, the sound of the tin top closing over the barrel pulls me out of my thoughts.
Lilith moves gracefully through the small space, her gloves off now, her eyes gleaming. My hands are glove-free too, which makes it easier to curl a hand around the side of her neck.
To feel her pulse. Her warmth.
She’s alive and mine.
Everything and everyone else can burn to the ground.
“All done.” That brilliant grin, those perfect pearly whites, steal my breath right out of my lungs.
To think I’ve dimmed her light for over a day now. That I would’ve kept doing it if she hadn’t endangered her life.
For me.
I’m such an idiot. The worst kind.