I know it’s the right thing to do.
I know.
Except, god-fucking-dammit.
Seeing her bound and gagged… It’s killing me.
I drag my fingers through my hair, pulling at the roots. A cold, painful dread fills the pit of my stomach.
What if my good, sweet, pure-hearted Lilith had set Fraser free?
Then I would’ve spent the rest of my life behind bars.
Without her.
I wouldn’t have been able to force her to visit me like I once playfully threatened. I couldn’t have explained myself or insisted we belong to each other.
Our story would’ve ended before it even began.
Thank fuck for years of working trauma, or my panic would’ve paralyzed me instead of pushing me into action.
The moment I got a notification from my motion detector app, I told Dr. Yarrow I was coming down with something and that I’d be taking the week off. I didn’t wait for her response before bolting out of the hospital, grabbing a syringe from my apartment, and sneaking up behind Lilith.
And here we are.
Here we fucking are.
I swallow around the lump in my throat and sit on the edge of my bed beside her.
My limbs are heavy. The tearing sensation in my chest is constant, as if a rabid dog is clawing at me over and over and over again.
“Baby.” I brush my knuckles along the side of her face.
Her skin is warm to the touch. Her cheeks are pink.
Her expression is one of pure innocence.
Sheisinnocent.
And I’m the demon from hell who’s going to corrupt her soul.
Whatever it takes to keep her, that’s what I’ll do.
“Little devil.”
My lungs constrict when I thread my fingers through her hair, when my thumb strokes her temple.
I’ve touched her like this before, but never with this sick need to make sure she can’t leave me. Never with the urge to sew my hand to her scalp so we’ll never be separated.
I realize how insane that sounds. It’s just…
Get it together, asshole.
That command from the doctor in me lands like a slap. It reminds me that, no matter how desperate I get, I have to protect Lilith by any means. Even from myself.
“Sweetheart.” I summon the last ounce of softness I have left and work it into my voice. “Time to wake up.”
Her eyes don’t flutter. Her breath remains even.