Her voice drops to a tremulous whisper. “Sal, please…”
My mouth trembles, jaw clenching, working to stifle the sudden sob crawling up my throat in search of escape.
When her hand slips over my shoulder, I can’t hold it in any longer. A choked sob breaks free, and I curl in on myself, bowing over my knees as the last twenty-odd years of grief wrack my body, and my mother speaks words that I hadn’t realized I’d been dying to hear.
“I’m so sorry, tesoro. I’m so fucking sorry. I should have been stronger for you.”
Her arms curl around my shoulders as she pulls me against her chest, and her familiar scent—the scent of home—invades my senses, making it all the more overwhelming. My sobs turn violent and messy.
“Oh, my precious angel. How could I have ever left you when you meant everything to me? All I wanted was for you to be okay.I love you more than life itself. I wish I could go back and fix it. Save you from this. I was just too broken to see beyond it.”
Her hands cup my face, guiding my gaze to hers, as her thumbs stroke my cheeks. The sight of my mother’s bright green eyes makes me want to bawl all over again.
“You’ve grown into such a handsome man, Sal. I couldn’t be more proud.”
The words I’ve been dying to speak for the last twenty years finally burst free.
“I’m so fucking angry at you.”
Tears stream down her cheeks as she nods.
“I know, baby. I’m mad at me, too.”
“I should have been enough for you.”
Her curls bounce as she nods, and her hands stroke my hair.
“You were, tesoro. You were enough. You are more than enough. That’s not why I left.”
“That’s bullshit. You fucking left me.”
“I left because I didn’t want you to go down the same path as your father because of me. It was stupid and deluded and so fucking wrong, I know, but don’t you dare for a second think it was because you weren’t enough.”
No matter what she says, there are no words that will ever be able to convince me otherwise.
“I should have been enough to help you move on. You were waiting to die. I was just an excuse.”
Her eyes dart over every inch of my face as if it’ll give her an escape from the truth in my words.
“I’m sorry for being so selfish. You were more than enough, and I was too blind to see it.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you.”
She nods in acceptance.
Silence descends between us, and I’m not sure how much time passes, but eventually, that aching in my chest returns.An anchor pinning me beneath the surface of the sea, keeping me from the life-giving air above it. While my mother isn’t demanding I forgive her, my body, mind, and soul are, so I can finally fucking breathe.
When my arms finally wrap around her—so much smaller and more fragile than I remember—I stroke her hair. Relief washes over me in a cascade that spills down my cheeks.
“I’ve missed you so fucking much, Ma.”
VIOLETTE
Afamiliar chill envelops me. I very rarely allow myself to venture to the sea in my waking life. Yet no matter how I try to deny myself, in my dreams, I always end up here.
Wingless and in mer form.
As my consciousness settles into this place, I recognize Somnus’s magic. Sitting up, I find him hovering across the underwater cavern. His tail is long, thick, sleek, and midnight-blue, faintly glinting as if with distant stars. Whether he’d be able to create one in real life, or he just conjures it to meet me in my dreams, I’m not sure.