This was a safe place. Her head knew that, but her body didn't.
No one here had hurt her, everyone had gone out of their way to show her they weren't monsters, and she didn't have to fear them.
Maybe she didn't fully believe that yet, but she knew what she needed to calm down.
“You okay, babydoll?” Thunder asked, his worried eyes staring at her with an intensity that made her shudder.
She was about as far from okay as it was possible to be.
But she knew what she had to do. There was only one thing she was used to, one way she knew to force her mind to blank enough that she could find a way to calm herself.
Frantically, she reached for the waistband of Thunder’s sweatpants. Inside those pants was the answer to her problem.
“What are you doing, babydoll?” Thunder asked, his large hands circling her wrists, stilling her frenetic attempts to get into his pants.
Growling at him, well, attempting to, but it was really more of a snarl without any sound, she yanked her hands free. Maya was aware enough to know the only way she got them free was because Thunder let her. He was so much bigger than she was. Stronger. But so far, he hadn't used that strength against her unless it was to restrain her so she didn't hurt herself or anyone else, and she trusted that would still hold.
Placing her palms against his chest, she pushed him backward, into the chair she’d been curled up on. It was getting harder to draw enough air into her lungs. It was like someone was draining the oxygen from the room, and she couldn’t stop it from happening.
Yes, you can. This will stop it.
That thought spurred her on, and she scrambled at his waistband, managing to shove it out of the way even though he was trying to stop her. Luckily, he was doing so while also trying not to hurt her. But she got what she wanted.
Grabbing his thick length, she palmed it, slid her hand up and down it, needing it hard so she could put it inside her.
This would calm her. This would make it so she could breathe again. So she could think.
“We can't do this, babydoll. You don’t know where you are, don’t know what you're doing. I won't be another man who hurts you like this,” Thunder said, and he meant it. Actually meant it.
If he thought she didn't know what she was doing, he was wrong. She knew, just like she knew it was the only thing that could calm her. It was all she knew. All she had been taught.
Tearing her gaze away from the answer to her problems, she let Thunder see her eyes, see that she was present enough to know what she needed. Maintaining eye contact, Maya slowedher frantic strokes of Thunder’s penis. It was already hard, but she couldn’t put it inside her if he didn't want it. She couldn’t become the same as the people he’d saved her from. She’d rather be dead than be like Master.
“You need this?” he asked, and she nodded.
The motion seemed to dislodge tears she hadn't even known were falling. Reaching out, Thunder caught those tears on the pad of his thumb, brought that thumb to his lips, and sucked them off.
“It’s not about sex, that’s not what you want. You just want to sit on me?” he asked, somehow knowing what she needed even though she wasn't capable of putting that into words.
Nodding again, she silently pleaded with him not to deny her this.
When he leaned forward and brushed his lips to hers, she knew he wouldn't. “Okay, babydoll.”
Helping her shove her leggings and panties down her legs, and letting them fall on the floor at their feet, Thunder lifted her so she was straddling his legs, and guided his thick, hard erection to her entrance.
The burning sting as he slid inside her—she might want this to soothe her, but she wasn't wet, wasn't aroused, this wasn't about sex in her mind—grounded her in a way nothing else could, and as he filled her, she felt her lungs inflate, drawing in a ragged breath.
With him fully seated inside her, she sank down against his chest, needing to feel as much of his body as she could. Thunder wasn't like Master, his touch was always careful, possessive, but in a different way. It wasn’t ownership, it was more protective.
As she tucked her face against his neck, Thunder began to stroke a hand the length of her spine, and she felt her body grow heavy, the panic attack stealing her strength and making her sleepy.
“Rest, babydoll, I have you.”
Even though she knew it was too big of a risk to believe him, Maya couldn’t help it. Thunder had her, and that meant somehow everything was going to be okay.
Chapter
Eight