“And what about Brandon?” I ask.
Julian gives me a glum look.
“To be honest, I don’t give a damn about Brandon,” he says.
A chill goes down my spine. Watching Julian interact with the Ghoshals, hearing him proclaim his love for me—all of that led me to briefly forget that he’s not a man who holds human life in high regard. That my life is far from the first he’s taken pieces of. If I hadn’t meant something to him, he might have left me on the floor of Ulrich Corridor, watched Leila carry out her atrocity, and done little more than cluck his tongue and offer hisservicesto make her sins disappear.
“She’s already taken so much from him. She can let him at least have a fighting chance with whatever time he has left,” I insist. A lucid moment with Sophie. A final few steps on his own. “He didn’t deserve this, Julian. If you plan to talk to her anyway, can you at least ask about him?”If, I wonder,he’s still alive?
I can feel Julian’s stare burning the side of my face.
“I don’t understand why you care so much,” he says. “He wasn’t a good friend to you. He was a terrible partner to your best friend. Hemight have been a good doctor, but there’ll be another one in his position in three months. What does it matter if he’s dead? He’s already served his purpose.”
His last sentence flash freezes the blood in my veins. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this primordial fear around Julian, like I’m a common mouse who was meant to be dinner dropped into his snake pen, waiting to be consumed by the glittering, gorgeous creature that curls lovingly into my warmth but still opens his jaws wide every night for my brethren. I want to ask what Julian thought Brandon’s “purpose” was. Caring for patients? Fathering Sophie? Or feeding his praying mantis of a sister?
Suddenly, putting my life in Julian’s hands feels reckless. I’ve done this before, I think, trusted someone I loved long after they showed me who they were, and I already know how that turned out for me. Bleeding, alone, my world fading in and out of existence,I wonder how long it’ll take for someone to find me—
“Sean,” Julian interrupts, and I jolt back into reality. He reaches for my hand, and when I twine our fingers together, I realize that he’s trembling. “Please. I’m sorry. That was insensitive. Of course I’ll ask about Brandon.”
His panic grounds me. Julian might not care about most human life, but he does care about mine, and for now, that may have to be enough. I trace the paths of the veins curling in the back of his hand, drop my head to his shoulder.
“I’m the one whose life is in danger, so why are you stressed out?” I murmur.
“Because you’re a smart woman, and we both know you should be running far away from me,” Julian says. “And I think I’m waiting for you to wise up and do just that.”
I sigh. It is agonizing, what I feel for this man. Sometimes Iwonder if he’s wrong, if I’m at least partially in his thrall, because I need him to the point of distraction. To the point of destruction.
“Love is reckless at baseline,” I murmur. “I would just prefer if it didn’t regularly put me in mortal danger.”
“I’m sorry—” Julian starts again, but I cut him off.
“Don’t tell me you’re sorry,” I say. “Involve me. Reassure me. Tell me that there’s no stone you’ll leave unturned to make this right.”
“Of course,” Julian says. “I’m willing to do anything—everything—to keep you safe.”
I lift my head to look into the face of my beloved. His features are darkened with conviction. He means it, and I know that.
“Would you kill her?” I ask. “If it came to that? Would you kill your sister to save me?”
Julian’s jaw tightens, but he doesn’t hesitate with his answer.
“She’s lived a long time,” he whispers. “You haven’t.”
It’s exactly what I need to hear.
Thirty
Ritika is already awake when we emerge from the bedroom, tapping away at her laptop and sipping from a comically large coffee mug.
“I see you’ve made up,” she deadpans.
Julian rolls his eyes.
“Have you sent it?” he asks dryly, then drops into the chair next to her.
I can tell that they’ve been working together for a long time by the way Ritika only has to look to Julian to get the answer to her silent question ofIs it okay if she hears?She drags one of the kitchen chairs closer with her foot, and beckons for me to join.
“I was waiting for you to give me the go-ahead,” she says. “Take a look.”