Calendula sighed. “I’ve already told you. I’ve been sworn to secrecy. It’s an oath stronger than even the link you share with Kilian. I do think that speaking to the historian will be beneficial, though.”
I gave her a resigned look, continuing up the stairwell until the mess hall came into view. The breakfast bell would not ring for another half-hour, but it appeared Rayna was an early riser. She sat at the table, an empty plate before her.
I stared at her for a moment, the way her shoulders sagged forward, the frown on her lips, her deadpan gaze at nothing in particular. Her youth was barely visible beneath the weight of stress and exhaustion.
I drew up the chair beside her and her eyes flicked to me.
“Never seen you up this early before,” she said by way of greeting.
“Sleep is a luxury these days.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Your group’s still whole,” I said. “That’s impressive.”
“It’s dumb luck,” she muttered. “I could have died so many times, and I keep seeing the alternate outcomes – the ones where I didn’t survive – in my head.”
“My brain is my own worst enemy sometimes as well.” I couldn’t give her some motivational speech on how to rewire her thoughts when I didn’t know how to do it myself.
There was clarity in her eyes when she looked at me. Certainty when she said, “It’s only a matter of time before our luck runs out. We are going to die here.”
A cold, hard fact.
“Maybe not.” I hated how much hope was in my voice. It would make the inevitable disappointment hurt that much more. “Augustine Devior will be at Pyxis today. He might be able to give us some information on the third Trial, on how he passed the Rite. We’re leaving the house at eleven thirty, if you want to come.”
Rayna nodded slowly, still unconvinced. “Thanks for letting me know. Do you think he’ll be willing to speak to us, though?”
“Why wouldn’t he be?”
She shrugged delicately. “No one really seems to be in much of a rush to help us out.”
“You’re right,” I said. “But it’s worth a shot. We’re meeting in the courtyard if you decide to join us.”
I stood, my muscles groaning as I did. I needed to stretch or go for a walk. Anything that didn’t involve sitting around and waiting for eleven thirty. I was too restless and impatient this morning.
Exiting the mess hall, I took the steps down to the courtyard. It was early enough that the elven who usually brought the daily food deliveries still carted trays of vegetables inside the house. I passed them, heading toward the archway.
Cool wind whipped loose strands of hair across my cheek, and I lifted a hand to push them back. A soft touch caressed my exposed neck, and I whirled around, my hand reaching for the dagger I now kept pocketed at all times.
“Are you planning on using that against me?” Kilian murmured. He stood a hairsbreadth away, and I cursed myself for being so oblivious that I had not noticed him trailing me through the courtyard. The problem was that I felt him all the time. Even when I didn’t want to. It was getting difficult separating his emotions from mine. Lately, they felt one and the same.
“If I need to, yes.”
“So vicious.” His lips quirked in a smile that made my heart flutter dangerously.
I banished thoughts of the previous night to the darkness, forgetting that everything that dwelled there belonged to him. “What are you doing here?”
His brow lifted. “In the courtyard of my own house?”
I rolled my eyes and he grinned.
“I told you last night, I have an appointment in Dalhur this morning. Or did that slip your mind?”
“My apologies. I guess your whereabouts just aren’t that noteworthy to me.”
Dark amusement flashed in his eyes. “I do wonder, are you ever going to tire of this charade? It must be exhausting pretending you don’t care.”
Itwasexhausting. And there were far greater problems in my life than whether Kilian Valhan knew I liked him, but he was an easy target for my rage, and I think he knew that too.Allowed me to channel some of my blistering anger onto him so it didn’t boil me alive.