“Yeah.”
“Give me a few minutes, and you have yourself a deal.” He props himself up on his elbow and lowers the sheet, running his hand across my stomach and letting his eyes travel over my body in the hint of light we have. “God, you are stunning.” He lowers the sheet even more.
I don’t worry that my breasts are too small or that I don’t work out as much as I should. I don’t worry about anything, because as much as what we’ve done tonight is about the physical, it’s also about so much more.
“You feel all right?” he asks me.
“I feel wonderful,” I tell him truthfully. “And you? Was it...” Now it’s my turn to feel slightly nervous. “Was I...I mean, obviously I haven’t done this before, so...how was it...for you?”
Esben’s kiss could be enough of an answer, but when he finally stops, I see how his eyes twinkle. “Don’t forget that I hadn’t done this before either, but I have to say that I think we did pretty damn well.”
“Okay,” I reply with less conviction than I’d like. Now that it’s all said and done, I’m starting to second-guess myself.
“Allison? Listen to me,” he says. “That was beautiful. No one could ask for a better first time.” His fingertips start to glide up and down my inner thigh, and my body slowly ignites again. Then he settles his hand between my legs. “And I already know that no one could ask for a better second time.”
I don’t argue with him. I can’t.
At midnight, we microwave soup and eat the last of the Parmesan crackers from Simon. In the hopes there is more food in the care package that arrived today, I tear it open. God bless Simon. There are still-fresh fudgy brownies with cream-cheese frosting, some kind of upscale microwaveable cheese risotto thing that tastes like heaven, high-end bottled water, Advil, individual brown-sugar oatmeal containers, and my favorite junk food ever, stove-top Alfredo noodles. “Jackpot!” I call out.
I remember that another box arrived today, and I haven’t looked at the return address until now. I grin, because while it’s addressed to me, I know that it’s from Simon for Esben. “You have a package here,” I inform him with a big smile.
“I do?”
I bring the box into the living area and hand it to him.
His look of delight warms my heart for so many reasons. “Simon sent me cannoli from Mike’s!” he exclaims as he reads the printed note. “Dude, that Simon is so cool.”
Esben, as I expect, takes a hundred pictures and immediately posts them, tagging Simon and noting that this fabulous cannoli giver is my father. He also posts a picture from our night at Mike’s, and it’s one in which Simon looks particularly handsome. We go to the small kitchen in the dorm and eat the risotto and hydrate while the Alfredo bubbles in a beat-up pot. I didn’t know that sex could make me so ravenous for food, and I couldn’t be more grateful for all of this. I need to figure out how to thank Simon properly.
When we are totally full and cannot stay awake any longer, Esben and I curl up back in bed. I am exhausted and nearly unable to think because I am so flooded with euphoria.
Yet, just as I start to drift off, there’s a slight sense of heightened awareness that something is off. Not with me, not with Esben. I’m missing something. A moment of discomfort tries to work its way in, as though the ice storm may not be the only thing crashing down on me. I shake it off. Tonight is not for falling into my old patterns of worry and negativity. I’m still learning to accept the good, so I stop myself and refocus on tonight.
Because tonight has been everything I haveneverdreamed of.
CHAPTER 24
LOSING AIR
When I wake the next morning, it takes me a while to understand that I am not dreaming. That this isactuallymy life. It’s astonishing and wonderful. And when Esben wakes, my life only improves when we make love again. My entire body may be sore in some ways, but I also feel better than I knew possible.
As expected, classes are canceled today, and I couldn’t wish for a better day to stay locked in my room.
I text Steffi, begging her to call me when she wakes up. Clearly, I have got to tell her all the details of the past day, but this has to be done over the phone and not text. I know that she’s been an advocate for my happiness more than I have for years, and it would mean the world for me to show her how far I’ve come. To share the proof that I am taking charge of my life.
Late afternoon arrives, and I’m still unshowered and in my robe. The feel and smell and taste of Esben are all over me, and I love it. Esben is currently reading a book on his phone while languishing in bed half-dressed, and I’m flitting around the suite, tidying up and grinning stupidly while I do various unnecessary cleaning projects. I’m just so goddamn happy that I don’t know what to do with myself.
My phone finally rings, and I practically fling myself across the bedroom to reach it.
“Steff!”
“Hey, honey.”
“Oh my God, I’ve missed you so much! What is up with your phone situation? Why haven’t you hooked up the new one from Simon? I want to see your sweet face!” I gush. “I have news. I’m so glad you called.” I move into the second bedroom and half shut the door. “How have your crazy trips been? I want to know everything!”
“Allison, I need to talk to you.” She sounds strange, but I can’t tell how exactly.
“Okay. Yeah, of course. Anything. What’s going on?”