“Sure. Yes. That sounds nice.” I’m trying to sound casual, as though I may not faint at any moment. But then I again take in how kind he is, how easy he is to talk to. Just because I’m not fueled by gin doesn’t mean that I should forget that. Although I am sort of wishing I had that teddy bear with me to cling to.
“My car is parked right behind the building.”
“Okay.” I seem to be having trouble moving.
Esben reaches out a hand. “I dare you not to like their mocha quad cappuccino.” He gives me a reassuring smile.
So, I set my hand in his and let him pull me from my seat. My hand stays in his as he leads me through the crowded hall to the back exit of the building, and I have to force my legs not to buckle. When he lets go to open the door, my palm feels noticeably empty.
He looks at me. “I should warn you about something.”
“You’re not as nice as you seem, and you’re going to stuff me in the trunk of your car and roll me off a cliff?”
“There aren’t any cliffs around here.” He gives me a playful pat on my arm. “I’m kidding!”
“I hope so, or I’m making a really big mistake.”
“You’re not.” He flashes a perfect smile. “So, here’s the deal. You thought my room was a mess? Prepare yourself for my car.”
I rub my forehead. I’d forgotten that I’d called him a slob. “Oh God. Sorry about that.”
“Don’t be. You’re right.”
We walk to an older silver sedan, and he opens the passenger door. “See? You don’t have to ride in the trunk!”
I laugh. “You’re quite the gentleman.”
Esben circles his hand in front of his waist, then bows. “I aim to please.”
In the few seconds I have after he shuts my door and before he’s in the driver’s seat, I exhale loudly.I am brave. I am brave. I am brave.
The radio comes on when he starts the engine. “It’s not far, but a little too long for a walk.”
“It’s nice that you have a car.” I glance around the floor. “Even with the many empty cups, crumpled papers, books, and...I believe, forty pairs of sunglasses?” I smile to let him know that now I’m the one teasing.
“Ha! Right? I have a sunglasses problem. I keep thinking I’ve lost a pair, so I buy another cheap pair, then find the lost one. It’s an endless cycle.”
“It’s not a problem. You’re a collector.”
“Reframing. I like it. Smart.”
“‘Reframing.’ Nice sunglasses joke.”
“Ha! And I wasn’t even trying. Wait until I set my mind to doing something amusing!”
He pulls onto the main road, and I look out the window, unsure what to say now that we’re officially en route and trapped in this car together. We’re quiet for the drive, and I’m glad for the music that fills the silence. But the truth is our silence is not as strange as it could be. It’s as though Esben is simply giving me space. My anxiety threatens to cripple me, but it’s so weird and wonderful how he creates comfort when there shouldn’t be any that my desire to take risks today remains strong.
I will fight for myself, really fight.
I have barely undone my seat belt before he has my door open. “The place is right here.” He points to a deep-purple awning and a storefront with large glass panels framed in dark wood. He starts to walk, but I call his name, and he turns back.
“Yeah?” He comes to stand in front of me. “Hey? What is it?”
I’m grateful that the sun is blinding me, because I don’t want to look at him when I say this. “I’m very nervous. I thought I should tell you that.”
“I’m a little nervous, too.”
“You are not.”