“But...” I wipe at the condensation on my glass. “I haven’t met anyone who really does it for me.”
Itbeing that spark. That connection.
“You’ve only been out with a few guys in the last four years. You have to give yourself more opportunities to find someone you click with.”
I cringe thinking about the dates I’ve been on. The guys were very nice, and I knew Ishould havebeen interested in them, yet I felt nothing. No excitement. No butterflies. No true attraction.
And the sex was god-awful.
Dominique sucks her teeth. “Besides, you weren’t going after the right guys. You don’t like nice guys. You like ‘em nasty.”
I tilt my head back as a loud laugh rips from my throat. “I seriously regret telling you everything I did during my wild college days.”
“Girl, those are my favorite stories. I never experimented in college, and I’d give anything to go back in time and have a little fun before meeting my husband and getting knocked up.”
I did enjoy myself back then. Until it was cut short by the news of my sister’s accident, and finding out that I’d become the legal guardian of her children. I went from getting baked, to bake sales; from toga parties, to school trips. I had to leave my carefree youth behind and become a responsible adult.
I also had to leave behind the two men I’m currently staring at on the TV hanging above us. McKinley and Kellerman toss their gloves and trade blows in the middle of the rink, blood pouring from both of their faces. The referee skates over and breaks them apart, forcing each of them into their respective penalty boxes.
Some things never change.
My body heats at the reminder of how many of their fights ended—with me wrapped between them in one of our dorm rooms.
Do they still fool around? Do they spend time together? Do they remember me?
I’ve kept tabs on the boys over the years they’ve played professional hockey. Maybe it’s silly to hold onto a college fling, but sometimes the memories of our time together are the only things getting me through the lonely nights.
Dominique snaps her fingers in front of my face, drawing me back to the present. “You good?”
“Yeah, sorry.” I clear my throat. “Was watching the game.”
Though I’ve told my best friend about my polyamorous college experience, I never told herwhoit was with. Protecting Kellerman’s secret, even now, means something to me.
Which is totally ridiculous, because he’s probably long forgotten about me.
“I feel like I’m sitting here with Jeff. If there’s a hockey game on, I’m completely invisible.” Dominique suddenly sits up ramrod straight. “We should go to a hockey game together. Jeff’s co-worker gets him free tickets all the time.” She gasps. “And the guy is newly divorced. We should make it a double-date!”
I grimace. “No, no. You know I hate being set up.”
Ignoring me, she pulls out her phone, no doubt texting Jeff.
I snatch her phone out of her hands. “Blind dates are so awkward. I don’t want to sit there and have forced conversation with someone I don’t know.”
The bar erupts in cheers as the Goldfinches score a goal, surging ahead by two points. My eyes follow McKinley across the screen as he raises his stick over his head, wearing his signature cocky grin.
The grin he used to flash atme.
Longing seeps into my chest before I can stop it. And it’s not just desire for a man I once knew. It’s the fact that he and Kellerman are out there living their dreams, having everything they’ve worked for at the palm of their hands, and I’m...here.
I love my niece and nephew more than anything in this world, and I would never trade them for a different life. But my dreams were cut short when I lost my sister, and I can’t help but think about what my life would be like if she were still alive.
“Can I be honest with you, Pres?”
I blink at Dominique before nodding. “Of course.”
“I think you purposely sabotage your love life because you think you don’t deserve to have anything good without your sister.”
The corners of my lips turn downward as I avert my gaze. “Why did her life have to be taken? She was so young. She had everything.”