Fuck, I don’t know how to do this. People. Connections. That is Vas’s thing, not mine. He is amiable and charming. Before Ava, the only people who saw my humorous and talkative side were my brothers.
The men of my inner sanctum.
The ones I would give my life for without a second thought.
Tomas taught me to only show my true self around those I trust most. The men and women under my command aren’t my friends. I may consider them family and would be cordial with them, but over time they would think of me more as a comrade and less as their leader. It means they could come to believe they could skirt the laws I laid out.
It might seem cold and uncaring but the line I have to draw in the sand as leader keeps everyone safe and in line.
Not through fear but through respect.
“Your mother…” he trails off, unsure of how to express what he wants to know. I smile at him.
“She was warm and caring,” I tell him. Even when Kirill had her drugged, she managed to shift the haze aside whenever it came to me. “When she smiled it was like the whole world lit up. Her laugh was like?—”
“Sunshine on a cloudy day,” he remembers wistfully.
I nod. “It is rare, but yes, exactly that.”
“Did she ever speak of me?” There is hope in his eyes and I hate to be the one to extinguish that.
So, I lie.
“A few times.” I clear my throat. “But it was often vague. I grew up believing Kirill to be my father and I think that is what kept us safe from him. For a time.”
“If that bastard wasn’t dead, I’d kill him again,” Andrei snarls. “To think my own brother betrayed me from the beginning.”
“You couldn’t have known the depth of his hatred,” I assure him. “He obviously had help.”
“I shouldn’t have let myself be so blindsided by grief,” he admits, his shoulders drooping slightly. “Maybe then I would have seen his treachery. I would have been able to save you and her.”
“I wouldn’t be the man I am today if you had. We can’t change the cards fate deals us, but we can learn to master what we are given. My life was hard. Always looking over my shoulder. Waiting for the moment I slip up and that would be the end.” I pause, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I often was cold and hungry. But I learned to fight. To survive. And that was what I was doing when Tomas found me. Just fighting to survive. He gave me the chance to be a part of a family that cared. That had my back. Tomas will always be my father. The one who gave me every opportunity.”
Andrei’s face falls as I talk. He thinks it is too late to be my father. Tomas had been there every step of the way for me as I grew from a boy to a man. He is my father in every way, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for another family.
Swallowing back the lump in my throat, I continue. “And the one greatest thing he taught me is that family is whoever we say it is and we can always have more than one.”
His eyes are wet with unshed tears as he stares at me. After a moment he gives me a sharp nod.
“I will earn the right for you to call me father.” His voice is hoarse, brimming with barely restrained emotion. “I will show you I am worthy of that name.”
I smile at him and nod. “I look forward to getting to know you.”
“Good.” He clears his throat and sits back comfortably in his seat, one leg crossed over the other. “Now, tell me about this wife of yours.”
Chuckling, I relax against the leather of my own seat and proceed to tell him about the goddess of a woman who has bewitched my soul.
ten
Sleep is a nonexistent little bitch.
In fact, over the past two days, it has been making me its bitch.
Apparently, my body thinks I don’t need it, because it sure as hell hasn’t shown its face in the last four hours. Sighing, I glance over at the neon red lights of the hotel alarm clock. Midnight. I have to be up in five hours. Groaning, I sling an arm over my eyes.
This sucks donkey balls.
I am still wired from today. Being back at the house I grew up in left me unsettled and with far more questions than answers. I wish Matthias was here. He would know what to do. Or at the very least, I would have someone to talk everything out with.