Oh Lord, what she would give to return to that scared moment when it felt like everything was as perfect as would ever be and had ever been.
“Sorry,” Edward mumbled, pulling back soon after he noticed the expression on her face. “I – you do not have to. It’s... I should have told you much sooner, but it slipped my mind. I understand that it quite sudden and you might not feel as though you wish to attend –”
“I do not mind,” she stated hoarsely, pretending not to be affected by the loss of his warmth. “It is not as though I had any prior engagements. Perhaps the air would do me some good.”
He studied her for a moment, then he nodded curtly. “Perhaps. When you are set, we shall leave. Take your time to prepare.”
He walked away, and Phoebe could not dwell on his thoughtfulness for too long, feeling as though it was quite telling that he was unwilling to spend too much time speaking with her.
Stifling the discomfort, Phoebe called for her maid. Once Jenny emerged from where she had been waiting, the duchess instructed.
“We must prepare at once. I have a party to attend this afternoon.”
Jenny nodded. “Right away, Your Geace.”
The journey to the Ravencroft estate was utterly stifling.
Phoebe worked to keep her eyes out on the passing scenery, allowing her mind to pick interest in every shape and form the carriage went by, because it was much easier than dwelling on the growing discomfort within her.
Edward seemed to have no problem, his attention fixed on his own window as he sat perfectly still. Occasionally, Phoebe’s weak heart would make her glance at him, and she would yearn to hear his voice.
It’s not fair, she thought.How can he just... ignore me?
The longer she thought about their situation, the more apparent it became that she had been at a dissadvantegous position from the start.
What she had needed from him was small in comparison to the entirety of her life that she had signed away to him for his needs. And after giving him what he wanted... he planned to leave her, without a single thought of what they shared.
What they could be.
The more she thought about it, the worse she felt and she could not fathom what the days ahead of her would look like.
The carriage came to a stop and she inhaled deeply, telling herself to put on a brave face for the remainder of the afternoon. Edward left first and she expected him to walk ahead of her, but when she made her way to the door of the carriage, hewas waiting right outside. He stretched out his hand to her, his expression blank as he said,
“Here. Let me.”
Reluctantly, Phoebe accepted his assistance and disembarked slowly, exhaling shakily once she was on solid ground.
Perhaps she should have stayed at home after all, because all of a sudden, she felt slightly weakened. For a moment, she tried to take in a few deep breaths, hoping it would strengthen her body and mind, but she only felt even more tired.
“Duchess? Are you all right?” Edward queried with an unreadable look on his face.
“Y-Yes, I –” Phoebe cleared her throat slightly when she noticed her voice was shaking. “I am fine.”
She walked ahead of him, hoping she sounded better than she actually felt. By the time she arrived at the door, he was by her side once more. The steward greeted them and showed them to the garden where a group of people were conversing and enjoying the refreshments.
There were a few games going on as well, a handful playing croquet and another group playing what seemed to be a serious game of cards.
“Edward! It is lovely to see you, like this and not engorging yourself on our priceless wine collection,” Jane greeted pleasantly as she approached them, her husband hot on her tail.
For the first time since they had been together that day, Phoebe witnessed Edward’s expression soften.
“Your Grace,” he bowed slightly. “My apologies for... my past behavior. I promise, I have reflected on my transgressions and acted accordingly.”
Thomas stared at Phoebe for a moment and sighed, looking disappointment.
“I see. So you have.”
Edward sent his friend a sharp look as Jane reached forward to hold Phoebe’s hands.