“Don’t know what you mean,” he gruffly replied, turning his shoulder toward Cedric.
“Oh, I think you do,” Cedric replied and tossed a few coins onto the bar. More than enough to pay for Nigel’s next few drinks.
Nigel immediately picked up the coins and his ale and left his stool.
“Don’t think so,” Nigel grunted, throwing one last glaring look toward Deborah before he stomped away.
“Better get settled,” he called over his shoulder, “Auction’s about to start.”
“Let us go,” Cedric murmured, pulling at Deborah’s wrist as the emcee took to the stage, “This place becomes nearly impossible to get out of once the auction starts.”
Discouraged and frustrated, Deborah looked toward the stage as Cedric all but pulled her through the crowd. There were no answers. No new clues. Just an assault of memories she thought was behind her. Her head bowed and her spirit dampened, Deborah finally looked away from the stage and followed Cedric back outside.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
“Iknow you are disappointed,” Cedric stated once they reached the privacy of his carriage.
In response, Deborah flung off her top hat and dragged her mask away from her face, tossing it toward the empty seat by Cedric’s side.
“Nigel knows something,” she bitterly replied, loosening the cravat around her neck. It felt too tight- itallfelt too tight.
“I think so as well,” Cedric agreed, pulling off his own mask, “But whatever he knows, he is not willing to share. At least for now. I will go back on my own in another week or two and try to speak with him again.”
“Do not,” Deborah retorted, that still-new sense of possession riling up through her again. “If you go back, your mask will start to become recognizable, and they will expect you to bid again.”
Cedric’s furrowed brow went lax at once, and he dropped his shoulders.
“That will not do, will it?” He murmured, leaning his elbows on his knees to rub his hands.
“No, it would not,” Deborah muttered. Then, still feeling caged, still feeling disgusted by all she saw and felt, she dropped her head back and let out a snarl of rage.
“Why does justice have to be this hard to acquire?!” She seethed. “Why do you do this?”
“Who?” Cedric asked.
“You! Allmen!” Deborah seethed, pointing an accusing finger at him, “Why are you like this? Why do you need auctions and mistresses and why do you have to be so foul with how you see women?!”
Cedric flinched but did not say or do anything to stop her.
“Go on then,” he egged on instead, “Let it out.”
“What?” She hissed.
“Your rage. Men of all sorts have disappointed you for a very long time. You obviously need a target to aim all those hard feelings at. We have over an hour in this carriage, so you mightas well use it to let go of some of that anger,” he said, spreading his arms in invitation.
“Say it all,” Cedric encouraged, “Give it to me. I won’t take offense. I know, especially now, that I am part of the problem. So give it to me. All that disappointment and hatred. Aim it atme.”
A lump formed in Deborah’s throat. Fresh tears stung her eyes. It seemed ridiculous to think that she had been waiting all this time for permission to let her rage out, but now that she had it, she opened her mouth and screamed.
She screamed for the loss of her father- the only man she’d ever known who had not failed her or used her. She screamed out her fury for Sylvester, forallmen who were like Sylvester, who viewed women as objects and not people to be treasured or cherished. Finally, she screamed at Cedric. For all men who were supposedly ‘not part of the issue’ but still did nothing to make it better for women, and even used the patriarchal system when it suited their needs. She did not wipe away her tears. She wore them proudly, for they were not just for her, but for the failure that existed between all men and women.
Deborah screamed out these words, holding nothing back until her throat was raw and her chest ached. She watched as Cedric’s dark eyes remained intense and unwavering as he gave her his undivided attention. He did not once interrupt her. Not once did he try to defend himself, and even after she ran out of words to scream, he said nothing as she tried to draw in a deep breath to calm her racing heart.
“And this!” She snarled, yanking the jacket from her arms, “This was all a waste of time! I learned nothing! And now I cannot…cannot brea-”
Deborah’s heart raced faster as she tried to breathe, and she found it nearly impossible. She looked at Cedric, panicked, and without a word, he dragged her into his lap. He ripped the collared shirt at once, splitting it right down the middle, and then promptly did the same with the tight binding beneath it.
Air flooded into Deborah’s lungs as she was set free. She let her head fall back and parted her lips wide, drawing in deep, fresh, cool breaths of night air, not even caring that she was so exposed to Cedric in that moment.