“And that’s why you’re single,” Wei commented, sipping his coffee with infuriating smugness. “Your charm is… selective.”
“I’m single by choice,” Colt shot back. “Some of us have standards beyond ‘has a pulse and looks good in yoga pants.’”
“Guys,” Jaxson interrupted, his voice carrying that authoritative tone that always made something flutter in my stomach like I’d swallowed a kaleidoscope of butterflies. “Not now.”
The blond girl looked between them, clearly trying to follow the rapid-fire exchange. “Um, anyway,” she said, turning herattention back to Xander. “We were just wondering if you’d be at the bar next weekend. There’s supposed to be some big event.”
“Got it covered,” Xander assured her. “But if you ladies will excuse us, our food’s getting cold.”
The dismissal was clear enough that even they couldn’t miss it. The blonde pouted again but retreated with her friends, though not before slipping Xander what looked like her number on a napkin. He took it with a polite nod but immediately set it aside, reaching for his drink instead.
“Smooth,” Wei commented, his eyes tracking the girls’ retreat. “Though I notice you didn’t mention you’re not interested.”
“Professional courtesy,” Xander replied with a shrug. “They tip well.”
“They’re fake,” Nico said, finally looking up from his game again. “That redhead couldn’t even keep her shirt on right.”
“Not everyone has your extensive gaming knowledge, Nico,” Colt said dryly. “Though your complete indifference to her rather obvious… presentation… was almost impressive.”
Nico looked genuinely confused. “What? Her boobs? They’re just boobs, dude. I see way better ones in my games all the time.” He held up his Switch, showing a female character with physically impossible proportions. “See? Way more epic. Plus, these ones can actually fight dragons and don’t pretend to know what an RPG is.”
I nearly choked on my soda, caught between laughter and disbelief. Nico’s obliviousness to real-life female attention was either the world’s greatest act or genuine cluelessness of epic proportions. Either way, it was hilarious watching these girls crash and burn against the immovable object that was Nico’s gaming focus.
“And that,” Xander said, “is why you’re still single.”
“I’m single because girls take up too much time,” Nico replied, already back to button-mashing. “Like, my raid team needs me four nights a week. What girl’s gonna be cool with that? Plus, they always want to talk about feelings and stuff when I could be leveling up my mage.”
“A tragedy of our times,” Wei intoned solemnly, though his eyes danced with amusement. “Choosing digital boobs over real ones.”
“If those are the real ones on offer”—Nico nodded toward the retreating girls—“I’ll stick with the digital ones. At least these don’t try to fake-game to get my attention.”
I couldn’t help it—I burst out laughing, nearly snorting soda through my nose in the process. The mental image of Nico turning down actual human women for his pixelated waifus was too much.
“Careful there, Little Fox,” Wei warned, though he was grinning too. “Carbonated beverages through the nasal passage is a special kind of pain.”
“Look what you did,” Jaxson scolded, though his lips were twitching as he handed me a napkin. “You broke Lan.”
“Not broken,” I managed between gasps. “Just… Nico… boob comparison…”
“What? It’s true,” Nico defended, not looking up from his game. “Digital ones don’t need, like, emotional support and dinner dates and stuff. They just need you to beat the final boss.”
“This is why I don’t bring you to social functions,” Colt muttered, though I caught the slight upturn at the corner of his mouth. “You have the social awareness of a particularly dense brick.”
“Says the man who color-codes his sock drawer,” Xander shot back. “Because that’s totally normal human behavior.”
“Organization is efficient,” Colt replied primly. “And my system ensures optimal sock pairing for any occasion.”
“He has a spreadsheet,” Nico stage-whispered to me. “With sock thickness ratings and weather appropriateness factors. It’s like, super weird.”
“It’s a simple matrix,” Colt defended, looking genuinely offended. “And it’s saved countless minutes of decision-making time.”
“Minutes you then spend adjusting your spreadsheets,” Jaxson pointed out, his arm shifting behind me again, fingers brushing against my shoulder in a way that sent little shivers racing down my spine like I’d been zapped with a miniature lightning bolt. Each touch seemed to strengthen that strange connection between us, like invisible threads pulling tighter. “Very efficient.”
I was acutely aware of how close he was sitting, how his thigh pressed against mine every time he shifted. On my other side, Xander was no better, his shoulder bumping mine with deliberate casualness every time he reached for his drink. I felt like a particularly small boat caught between two competing tides, and I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to be rescued.
Which was… concerning. To put it mildly. Like “maybe I should be concerned about my mental health” levels of concerning.
“I see the Sinclair brother bickering championship is in full swing,” Wei observed, his knowing eyes sweeping over us. “Though the defensive formation is new. Very… protective. Almost like instinct is taking over.”