CHAPTER 28
Iwas numb by the time I parked in front of Jessie’s apartment building. Savoring the detachment, I latched onto it like I was drowning and it was the only thing keeping me afloat.
When Jessie opened the door and saw my face, her face took on a look of concern. I must have looked as terrible as I felt. She pulled me into the house and hugged me tightly. The dam I’d held my emotions behind wanted to crack, but I refused to allow it to break. I plugged my emotions up and let the numbness wash over me once again.
“What’s wrong, Faith?” she asked, sitting me down on the couch. Fear was evident in her face. “Is everyone okay? Your dad?”
“Everyone's fine,” I said, feeling bad I’d scared her.
Thankfully, her reaction put things into perspective. Everyone I loved was healthy. This wasn't that bad.
“What is it?” Relief washed over her temporarily.
“I broke up with Kill.” My face was still tear-free, and I wondered if I had blocked up my tear ducts permanently.
“What happened?”
“They were offered a record deal.”
Her mouth popped open, but she didn’t say anything as she absorbed the news. I told her almost everything, except my deal with Jason's dad.
When I explained to her that Kill refused to sign, because he didn’t want to be associated with Jason's dad or his company, Jessie smiled. When I revealed the lie I’d told him to stop him from sabotaging his dream, her smile disappeared.
Her eyes narrowed and her face contorted in anger. “I can’t believe you did that,” she spat out. She dropped my hand and paced the living-room floor, refusing to look at me.
“I couldn’t let them give up their dream. I had to tell him something that would keep him away.”
She scoffed at me. “Well, you certainly did that, but did you think about the fact that you’ll keep them all away?” She glared at me. “You knew I didn’t want a relationship with Van because of the possibility of him being signed.”
I stared at her in confusion, wondering what Van had to do with this.
“You pushed Kill away. Now, they're going to sign on and go on tour, or at least find another company to sponsor them, when they were one day from coming home. ONE DAY,” she screamed.
Her meaning finally dawned on me. She was mad I’d forced Kill and the boys to go after their dreams, instead of coming back to Portland. “How can you be so selfish?” I rose from the couch, needing to get away from her before I did something we would both regret.
“Me? You knew I loved him. I told you my story, but you pushed him away. Did you even think of anyone but yourself? Ever since you two got together, it has been the Kill and Faith show. There are other people with ties to the band besides you two.”
“I'm out of here.” I walked to the door and slammed it on the way out.
I put my raging emotions behind the dam and hoped it was strong enough to hold everything back. Numbness seemed to be the only thing that was going to get me through this. I sat in my car for a long time, wondering where I could go.
I decided going to Ray’s and putting in my resignation should be first. There was still a possibility Kill wouldn't take the offer, and he’d come back instead of finding another company to work with. I couldn’t stay in Portland any longer than necessary. After graduation, I would drive home and stay with my dad and Martha until I could get back on my feet. I sighed deeply, relieved I had plan.
Sadness enveloped me when I walked into Ray's for the last time. I would miss working there.
“Hey, chickie? What are you doing here so early?” Ryan asked when she saw me. When she got a good look, she stopped what she was doing and came over. “What’s wrong?” she asked, handing me a bottle of water.
I didn’t open it, holding onto it for dear life. “Is Ray here?” I asked, wanting to resign and get the hell out of there before I started crying.
“No, he had to go home and get an order form he forgot.” Her face was etched with concern as her eyes roamed my face.
“When will he be back?” I asked, upset I’d run into yet another road block.
“Faith, please, tell me what's wrong.”
“I need to turn in my resignation.” My voice was thick when I answered, but at least it was coherent.
“What? Why? Tell me what happened.”