After I made sure everything crucial was covered, I opened the door just enough to wiggle out into the hallway and stand before a very confused D. I blushed, realizing how guilty my maneuver must have looked.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, trying to cover up the awkwardness of the whole situation.
D’s face turned just as red as mine felt. He looked down at the carpet his dark-brown hair hanging around his face and hiding some of his features. D shuffled his feet nervously, refusing to look me in the face. His long, lean body seemed tense as he studied his shoes.
“Uhmm... I just wanted to check on you.” He finally looked up from the floor, the intensity in his hazel eyes I had never seen before.
I looked at him cocking my head, even more confused than when I walked out into the hallway. My heart sank in my chest hoping Kill's theory about D having a crush on me was wrong. With losing the battle to stay away from Kill, and my crazy ex roaming the streets without the protection of a restraining order, I didn't think I could take anymore emotional baggage.
“Yeah, I’m fine, D. I was just about to go to sleep. So, I guess I'll see you later?” I asked, turning to go back into my room uncertain what this whole thing was about.
“Wait, Faith,” he said, grabbing my arm.
I turned to face him again. This time his face took on a desperate expression. I wished I’d kept walking, nothing good could come from the intent look on D's face.
He held onto my arm as he stared at me, opening and closing his mouth as if he were trying to come up with the right words. He clamped his jaw closed, seeming frustrated by his inability to speak.
I thought back to what Kill had told me about D and his drug addict mother. I softened as I sensed the scared little boy inside. The boy who still seemed to be lost, searching for something even if he didn't know exactly what it was.
"What is it, D?” My voice was low, and I had to swallow my emotions when I thought of everything he’d gone through.
He cleared his throat and launched into his speech, speaking quickly, not bothering to take a breath so he could push it all out in a rush. It was as if he wanted to get his thoughts out as fast as humanly possible, so they could no longer torment him.
“I don’t want you to get involved with Kill. He'll hurt you, and you've been through so much already. He'll destroy what you’ve worked so hard to restore. When I saw you the first night at the bar, I wanted nothing more than to see you overcome the demons you’re so obviously burdened with. You were so strong, trying to hide your bruises from everyone. Kill isn't the right one for you. It makes me sick with worry at what would happen if he hurts you. I haven't had much of a family until I met the band, and now you have become a part of it. If Kill hurts you, I’d have to decide between the two of you, and I don't want to think about that.”
His eyes were bright with emotion. When he finished, he expelled a long, loud sigh, as if weight had been physically removed from him. I stared at him, dumbfounded. My mouth now opened and closed as his had seconds ago, before he verbally unleashed his torrent of words.
“You're an amazing woman. Please, don't mess up our family by doing something you would both regret later. Something the whole band would have to crawl back from in the aftermath. Goodnight, Faith,” he said before turning and walking into his room, leaving me speechless out in the hallway.
Kill opened my door and pulled me into the room, closing it quietly behind us. He led me to the bed where I sat on the edge, still trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.
Kill bent so that his face was directly in front of mine. I couldn't look into his eyes, and I had no clue what to say. I wasn’t sure how much he’d heard.
He put his finger under my chin and tilted it up so I had to look at him. His eyes roamed over my face, once again searching for something. I wanted to throw myself into his arms, scream out he was the one I wanted and that I didn't care what anyone thought of him, but D's declaration scared me from revealing too much.
“Slick.” Frustration simmered across his whole body. He stood to his full height while running his fingers through his thick brown hair. When I didn't respond, he paced the room in angry strides. He finally turned, stopping so he was standing in front of me. His face was fierce, and it made him look even more perfect. My avenging god.
“He's right. Anyone's a better person for you than me. Everyone I get close to, I hurt, and I've never been a one-woman man.”
My stomach pitched at his words. The red-hot need to throw him out of my room—so I could be alone to grieve for what had been formed and destroyed just as quickly between us—was hard to control. My defenses went on high alert, anger curling around me to protect me from the onslaught of emotions he was about to unleash into my system. I restrained my words, letting him finish saying what he needed to say before I completely rejected him from my heart. Hope was a cruel, fickle bitch, and I could only assume she’d learned it from her big sister, Karma. Somehow, I had pissed both of them off—maybe I’d been an asshole in a former life.
I watched him as he waged an internal battle within himself. I had to remind myself to breathe. Fear he would walk out of the room, and all of the progress we’d made tonight would be for nothing made my stomach squeeze painfully. My heart still felt injured by the last man I’d trusted it to, and I was afraid the new wall that would be constructed after Kill rejected me would make it impenetrable. Our brief time together would turn into a perfect memory packed away to relive on lonely nights.
When he opened his eyes, they were filled with determination. “I should leave you alone.”
My heart sputtered before nearly stopping at his words, but when he stayed rooted in his spot, it began pumping faster. He stared at me with his penetrating blue eyes, waiting for me to say something to either make him leave or force him to stay. With his silence, he was offering me all of the power. What he didn't know was I had lost all control when it came to him. He just hadn’t figured it out yet.
“Do you want me to go to someone else? Is that what you want?” I asked, trying to wield the authority he had given me.
He tugged on his hair, looking at the ceiling as if he were trying to make the answers to the questions going through his head appear. I refused to make this easy for him. I couldn’t have him second-guessing whatever this was between us.
Our relationship would never work if he was always wondering if I would leave him for Jason or somebody else.
He finally let go of his hair and locked eyes with me. “No.” His face looked pained when he voiced his decision.
Even though I wanted to jump up and down and do a happy dance, my expression remained stoic, just in case he decided to put a but at the end of his no.
He didn’t say anything else, and I wasn't sure if he was waiting for me to reply or gathering his thoughts. He rubbed the back of his neck as we stayed locked in our stare down. I refused to back down first.