“But what if she isn’t?”
“Jasper,” I said, slowly and firmly, “sheis. Suzanne Lawson found Deirdre in her armchair when she brought Phil home after his afternoon walk one day. She’s dead.”
“Fine. She’s dead.” He paused. “But what if…what if she’s not buried?”
“Sheisburied. She had a funeral. It was very well attended, according to Suzanne. People said lots of nice things that they now regret.”
“I know. I’m just thinking out loud here.”
“Maybe keep it in your head.”
He ignored me. “It would make a good twist, wouldn’t it? If the police dug her up and found the coffin empty?” He gasped. “No! Better yet, if they dug her up and instead of Deirdre in there, they found another clown! Nothing beats the clown.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Why on earth would they suddenly decide to dig her up?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Let’s say…oh. Okay! How about something unexpected surfaces in the investigation? A new lead.”
“Right. They dig up the coffin, they open it up, and surprise! A clown. Who put the clown in there?”
“An apprentice. No. Adisciple.” He shivered. “I’ve got goosebumps. Don’t you think that would make an amazing story?”
“As long as we’re brainstorming fiction here, and not an article. Even then, it’s a bit far-fetched.”
“God, yes. Fiction. My journalism days are over. Even if Ray’s dad hadn’t scared the crap out of me when he almost sued me for that time I called him a serial killer, the stress nearly finished me off. I released that dream a long time ago. No regrets. Did Ray ever tell you that his dad’s friends framed the article and hung it up at his dad’s local pub?”
“He mentioned it.”
“No more articles for me, ever. I do enjoy dabbling in a little fiction every now and then. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s good to have hobbies.”
“What kind of fiction? Can I read some?”
“I honestly don’t think you’d be into it,” he said, looking shifty.
“You don’t know what I’m into.”
“I’m pretty sure you won’t be into this. Besides, it’s private. It’s personal.” He stuffed another Hobnob into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “I haven’t been in your garage before,” he said after a moment through a mouthful of crumbs.
“Why would you?” I’d barely been in it.
“Is there anywhere you could hide a body? Any nooks and crannies?”
“Jasper, I don’t want to brainstorm any more stories with you. I’m thrilled you have a hobby, but it’s not my thing and?—”
“No space for a secret room in the roof? I’m not brainstorming now, I’m curious.”
“It’s a garage. The roof is exposed. The only things up there are beams and cobwebs. And a wasp nest, according to Kevin.”
Knowing my luck, probably bats, too.
“What about the walls? Any unusually thick walls? She could have a whole row of them lined up, just like in your bedroom.”
“I think it’s safe to assume that the police have gone over every inch of the property by now, looking for exactly that sort of thing.”
“Is it, though? Safe? They’ve missed a trick more than once,” Jasper said. He quickly added, “Do not tell Liam I said that. He gets very touchy about it. He’s been yelled at a lot by his superiors. The police really hate being made to look incompetent. Especially the guys at the top. They love having someone to blame. What about under the floor? Did they look under that?”
“They couldn’t look under it. It’s a concrete slab. Someone did come over with ground-penetrating radar to check the garden and the house foundations. I’m confident they’d have included the garage in the scan. When I said they went overevery inch, Jasper, I mean every inch. There are no more bodies on my property.”
“If there are,” Jasper said, “then I’m sure Kevin the Chipping Fairford Corpse Finder will find them.”