She looks at me like I’m an unfinished project that she needs to mold to parade around a science fair and win a fake gold medal.
And I hate how much I want to prove her wrong.
I should be relieved she quit. Instead, my chest feels tight like I lost something I wasn’t supposed to care about in the first place.
I shove the library doors into the evening air.Even though it’s winter it’s still hot when you’ve been in air conditioning.
“She thinks I don’t grind,” I catch myself self-talking through the path back to the football team apartments.
She has no idea what my days look like. How much time I don’t have. The last time she probably played a sport was in elementary school.
Weights at five.
Shower at six.
Film for an hour before breakfast.
Class until noon.
Practice until my legs burn from running routes.
Another shower.
Film until five.
Media or meetings.
Dinner.
And by that time, I’m wiped. So many expectations. Some I place on myself. I’m an O’Ryan and need to live up to the name. My brother J.D. won the Heisman Trophy when he played for Texas. I’m not in the running but that catch in the playoff game cemented my future. I will always be remembered for that catch.
I pull out my phone. Annika’s number sits on top since I texted her to let her know I would be late.
I type and delete.
Type again.You don’t know me.
Delete.
I hide behind jokes.
Maybe I do, but she hides behind an oversized purple t-shirt with a random quote. Hiding her curves.
Annika sees through me like she knows there’s more thana jock underneath the physique, but nothing good. If she would attempt to get to know me, she would know I’m not a skirt chaser.
Except for my family, she’s the only person who doesn’t treat me like I’m already famous. I’m not, except in football circles. With her, I feel like I need to become something just to prove her wrong.
I stop at the quad, sit my backpack on the ground and lean back against the brick wall of the Economics building. She thinks I’ve never had anything ripped away from me.
Annika has no idea.
I laugh out loud. It’s funny how many things I’ve had taken away.
My mom.
My girlfriend.
Hockey.