It all sounded too perfect, too easy. But after years of struggling, maybe I was due for something to go right.
I finished my drink and stood up, suddenly eager to get home and start planning. "I’m about to get up outta here. I got a lot to think about."
Sosa nodded, standing to hug me again. "I'll hit you up tomorrow. We'll go over the details."
As I gathered my purse, Shaunie looked up at me expectantly.
"What, no goodbye for your mama?"
I looked at the woman who had given me life but little else, who had chosen the streets over her children, who had only shown up in our lives the motherly way once Sosa started making real money, who still couldn't resist taking little digs at me every chance she got.
"See you around, Shaunie," I said coolly, deliberately using her first name instead of "Ma."
Her eyes flashed with hurt before hardening again. "That's how it is?"
"That's how you made it," I replied, turning away before she could respond.
As I walked back through the club, I felt lighter somehow, if running this club meant keeping my distance from Jamie’s mood swings, then I was all for it.
By the time I reached my car, my phone was buzzing with texts from Jamie. I ignored them, I needed space to think, to plan, to dream bigger than I'd allowed myself to in years.
* * *
A week after Gizmo's funeral and the shit still ain't feel real. The service had been a mess, Jamie was drunk before noon, Mrs. Wallace was barely holding it together, and all the muthafuckas from the low end showed up like it was a damn class reunion instead of a funeral.
I was beyond exhausted, running on empty from playing grief counselor to Jamie while still handling my day job, trying to get shit in order for my new position at Clue Bleu all while still having to be a mommy.
It was eight o’clock at night and I was sprawled across my couch, scrolling through Instagram when the front door slammed open so hard the pictures on our wall rattled. Jamie stumbled in with eyes bloodshot red and reeking of Jaimeson and weed.
"The fuck you still doing up?" he slurred, dropping his keys twice before managing to hook them on the wall peg.
"It's only eight," I said, not looking up from my phone. "Where you been at?"
"Out." He kicked off his sneakers, sending them flying across the living room. One hit the TV stand, making me wince. "The fuck it matter to you?"
I bit my tongue. It was no point in arguing with him when he was like this. Ever since Gizmo's funeral, Jamie had been on demon time, and he showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. Thank God JJ was staying with Mrs. Wallace tonight. That woman might got on my last nerve sometimes when it came to how I handled JJ, but at least she loved her grandson enough to step up when her son couldn't.
Jamie staggered to the kitchen, yanking open the fridge. "I ain't got no more corona’s? What the fuck, Zurie?"
"You drank the last two yesterday," I replied, still not looking at him. "And I ain't had time to go shopping between work, the club, and helping your mom plan your brother's repast that you was too fucked up to help with."
I knew that was a mistake it as soon as the words left my mouth.
Jamie slammed the fridge door shut and was across the room in three unsteady strides. He snatched my phone from my hands and threw it against the wall.
"The fuck you just say to me?" he growled, looming over me.
I stared at my phone, now lying face-down on the floor. The screen was definitely cracked and that was a bill I definitely couldn't afford right now.
"Jamie, I'm too tired to argue wit’ yo’ ass," I sighed, "Just go lay down somewhere can talk in the morning when you sober up."
"Nah." He grabbed my wrist, yanking me up from the couch. "You think you run some shit now because yo’ bitch ass brother put you on to the club scene or something.”
His breath was hot on my face, the smell of liquor making my stomach turn. We'd been through this same argument three times this week already. Somewhere in his drunk mind, he'd decided my new job at the club was me abandoning him, and disrespecting Gizmo's memory somehow.
"I ain't looking down on nobody," I said, trying to keep my voice calm while pulling my wrist free. "I'm just trying to make a better life for JJ."
"For JJ, huh?" Jamie's laugh was ugly, mean. "That's why you out here teaming up with your brother behind my back? You tryna plan your escape while I'm mourning,"