Nova settled into the crook of my arm, her little eyes looking up at me as she sucked on her bottle. Sometimes when she stared at me like that, I swear it felt like she was seeing straight through me.
"You look tired," Kynessa observed, sliding a plate loaded with lobster, shrimp, and scallops in front of me. "You ain’t been getting no rest?"
I shrugged. "As much as lil’ mama lets me."
She shot me a look, one that said she knew I was bullshitting.
"Trigg, for real. You can't keep burning yourself out like this. Running the streets, tryna handle business, taking care of Nova, and tryna squeeze in visiting Tasha.... something gotta give."
"I'm good." Was my standard answer to everything.
"No, the fuck you not." She sat across from me, pouring more wine into her glass. "But I know better than to argue with your stubborn ass."
We ate in comfortable silence for a minute, just the sound of Nova sucking on her bottle and a Bryson Tiller song playing low in the background.
"Trigg, I think we need to talk about us." Nessa blurted out, I looked up at her and smirked.
"What about us?"
"This thing we doing... I just..." She paused, searching for her words. "I need to be clear about where we stand."
I waited for her to continue trying to see where this was headed.
"You know I love you, right?" she said plainly. "I’ve known you since we was kids. You family to me. But I ain't looking for a relationship right now. With you or nobody else."
I laughed from relief. This whole time I was thinking she wanted to lock shit down, make it official.
“What’s so fucking funny?” she snapped.
"That's what got you stressed? Thinking I'm trying to wife you or something?"
She rolled her eyes. "Don't flatter yourself. I just know how niggas get. We been doing this thing for months now, and I don't want no confusion."
"Trust me, it ain’t no confusion ova here," I assured her, "I got way too much shit going on to be playing house."
"My point exactly. You scared of relationships anyway, and that's fine. So am I." She pointed her fork at me. "We both seen too much shit go wrong."
She was right, but something about her saying it out loud irritated me. "I ain't scared of shit. I just got other priorities to worry about right now."
"Call it what you want."
Nova let out a loud burp, making us both laugh and breaking the tension.
"Damn, shorty! You ain’t got no manners? You a rude lil’ nigga." I joked, wiping her mouth with her bib.
"Bring her ova here, while you eat." Kynessa said, reaching across the table.
I handed Nova over, watching as Kynessa cradled her with the ease of someone who'd been around babies her whole life. Truth was, she was right about everything. I was scared of relationships. I just didn’t feel the need to have that extra drama.
Dealing with a woman full time to me was too much fucking stress. I didn’t know if it irritated me that being in a relationship meant you would have to let someone get close enough to see all your flaws, your fears, and insecurities. Every example of a relationship I had ever known ended badly, from my parents' toxic ass marriage to my homies getting played by bitches they trusted.
"Nova's room all set up?" I asked, changing the subject.
"Yeah," she nodded. "I washed her sheets yesterday and set up that little night light you got her. The one with the stars that spin around."
. "Good looking out. She can't sleep without that thing now."
After we finished eating, I cleaned up while Kynessa got Nova ready for bed. I could hear her in the second bedroom, Kynessa had painted one wall light purple, hung up pictures of Tasha, and bought a little white dresser for Nova's clothes.