He reaches out, lacing his fingers through mine. "I may have been married, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be any better at this than you. It was never like this with Linds," he confesses, and I'm suddenly sure I know what he means. Can it really be love if you're not being yourself?
I've known for a while that I've been falling for him, but getting that phone call that he'd been hurt? It was like my world had fallen out from beneath me. The idea that he was gone, or that there's a reality that doesn't have Gareth in it made my heart stop. I might not know what love truly is, but if the idea of living without him wasn't one I was willing to accept. Maybe that's what love is. Maybe love isn't a feeling as much as it's a choice.The choice to show up no matter what - to be there for your chosen person.
Feelings fade and change and can be fickle, but choosing your person every day, even when it's hard or inconvenient. That’s love.
And Gareth makes it easy to show up for him. He's honest, open, easy to get along with, sexy as hell and so eager to please it makes it hard to stay away from him.
So, tonight, there won't be any whispered confessions, but I can show up and show him what he means to me right now.
"I owe you an apology," he says, looking absolutely miserable. "I'm sorry for what I did back at the restaurant. All of those feelings of not being able to be with you came back and I was right back in high school. I was crawling out of my skin with jealousy, but I never should have touched you until I got my emotions under control."
I think back on that night and what I would have done if I were in his shoes.
I nod. "No, you shouldn't have. But I'm not sure I would have handled it much better... if I walked into a restaurant and saw you all over another man." Jealousy burns my stomach at the thought. I probably would have made a scene, too. Gareth is mine. It may have taken me a while to realize it, but the thought of him with another man makes me sick to my stomach.
I squeeze his hand back when a vibration sounds from the floor, where we've tossed his discarded clothes.
He goes to reach for it, but I stop him, pulling his phone out of his pants. It's a FaceTime call from Lindsey.
I hand it to him and he swipes to answer right away. The smile that crosses his face is beautiful. The love this man has for his kids makes me fall for him every time he smiles at them. If he can show up for his kids, I can show up for him.
"Hey guys!" he says, his voice genuinely happier than the last time he saw them.
"Where are you?" Micah asks and it makes me laugh.
"Trey's house. You want a tour?"
He goes to stand before remembering his cast. I take the phone from him and smile at Lil and Micah's faces squished together on the screen, each trying to see more.
"Hey guys," I say, flipping the camera around to show the living room. I walk them through the kitchen before taking them upstairs. "I was thinking when you guys come and visit, you could stay in these rooms?" I show them the two guest rooms that are barely furnished. I like the idea of them making these spaces their own. My chest warms at the thought of them in my home, at my dining room table, in the backyard.
"Really?" Lily says, all bubbly excitement.
"Of course, where else would you stay?" I ask, moving back downstairs and towards the backyard.
Lindsey's face replaces Lily's. "Trey, are you sure? You don't have to do that..."
I flip the camera again so she can see the honesty in my face. "He's going to need a lot of help over the next eight weeks at least and I know he's not going to want to give up his parenting time. I have the space, why not?"
Her smile is sweet. "I'm glad you showed up for him. You're good for him."
I smile in return. "We're good for each other."
She hands the phone back to the kids and I show them the fenced-in backyard. It's small, but it's more than they had in his apartment. I don't know why I bought such a big house all those years ago when it was just me, but now I'm glad that I did. This house was built for a family.
"Wow! A backyard? We can play baseball!" Micah shouts, and his childish excitement fills me with pride.
"I mean, maybe not a full game, but definitely enough room to toss a ball around. The neighbors have kids, too, so you might make some friends." Micah and Lil's excitement makes it all worth it.
I go back inside and hand the phone back to their father, leaving them to catch up while I make us dinner.
It's nothing fancy, just some cold cuts on a sandwich, but when I come back into the living room, Gareth's off the phone and giving me a look I can't quite interpret.
"What?"
"What are you doing?" he asks, and suddenly I'm nervous I overstepped a boundary.
"What do you mean?"