"You can't blame yourself. How could you ever have guessed he was gay? Or bi? He still hasn't defined himself."
She's quiet again, and I look at her, wondering what the hell is on her mind. "Yes, he has."
"What do you mean?"
"He's not gay, or bi, Trey. It's only ever been you."
I stare down at my hands in silence. Is that true? Has he talked to his ex-wife about me? About how he feels about me? We haven't been out together in public enough to know if he checks out any other guys.
She rubs a circle on my back to comfort me. "I can't tell you what to do, Trey. But looking back at his life, Gareth has a long line of people who have left him the second things got hard. Myself, included."
I'm quick to defend her. "You did what you had to do, and it was the right choice for everyone involved. It couldn't have been easy to accept that your marriage was over but you did. For you, and him, and your kids."
Her smile is warm and indulgent. "You're a good man, Trey. I'd be honored to have you join our family." She laughs breezily. "The kids won't stop talking about you, anyway. They've been nagging me to get your number so they can FaceTime you, too, and make sure you’re taking care of their dad."
I swallow. That reminds me that I made Lily a promise. Am I really willing to be an adult in her life that doesn't keep their promises?
I nod, knowing that I can't be another person who walks out on Gareth. Knowing I can't be someone who breaks my promise to the best little girl I've ever met.
I don't know where things with Gareth and me stand. But, I know I shouldn't have fired him as a client. It was a knee-jerk reaction to a boundary - that admittedly was already really weak - being trampled. I should have sat him down and had an honest conversation with him.
I could have lost him today. And he never would have known how much I care for him - how much he's changed me.
Whether we're meant to be together or not, I know at the very least I need to at least be there for him and not be another person who leaves when things get hard.
Chapter twenty-two
Gareth
This sucks. No one likes being injured or sick, but this just sucks. I'm in a cast up to my groin, with a handle hanging from the ceiling for me to pull myself up if I want to sit. Not only does my heart still hurt from Trey, everything in my life just got more complicated. I live in a walkup. I live alone. I won't be able to drive myself to work. I'll have to take medical leave. I can Door dash my groceries, I guess, but I certainly can't take care of the kids. They're mostly self-sufficient, but in an emergency, I wouldn't be able to protect them the way that I should.
I'm in a foul mood when the door opens and Lindsey walks back in with Micah and Lily trailing behind her. I force a smile to my face.
"We brought you someone, Daddy," Lily says, and I look behind her to see Trey. My mouth hangs open in surprise.
"Wha... what are you doing here?"
He looks down at Lil with such a soft smile on his face it hits me like a truck. His huge, copper colored hand dwarfs Lil's tiny white one.
"I made someone a promise," he says, and Lily beams up at him like he's Santa.
I clear my throat, trying to dislodge the emotion that clogs it. This is absolute torture. The man I'm in love with, who doesn't want to be with me, is standing in my hospital room, at my most vulnerable time, staring lovingly at my kiddos.
I close my eyes, desperately trying to pull back the tears that threaten to fall.
There's a light tap at the door before a nurse pops her head in. "I'm sorry but visitation hours are over."
"Are you okay with the kids?" Trey asks Lindsey. Is he offering to watch them for her? Do I want him to? Christ, I don't know how I feel right now. Everything feels too big and I don’t know how to process any of itI want him to curl up in the bed with me as much as I never want to see him again. The pain is too fresh. I was supposed to never see him again.
"Alright guys, give Daddy a kiss 'goodbye'. He has to rest now," Linds says, and I swipe away a tear before plastering a brittle smile back on. They both come over and give and receive hugs and kisses from me before wishing me well and leaving.
Trey stays, and I don't know what it means. My heart continues to break as we stand there, staring at each other. I don't bother to hide the tears now, but his face is completely unreadable. I don't care if he knows how much he hurt me. I deserve it. He looks as devastatingly handsome as ever. And for a moment he was mine.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, finally finding my voice and willing this moment to end.
How am I supposed to get over him when he's standing in front of me, looking so stupidly handsome and every ounce my dream man.
"Lindsey called."