It was a silly thing to say, but it also stopped Drew’s anger before it could get any worse. “That’s a colorful way to put it,” he said, the corner of his mouth pulling up in a half-grin.
“I mean it, though,” Lee said, reaching out for Drew’s hands. Thankfully, Drew let him take them. “Do I want to have sex with you? Yes. God, yes. Lots of it,” he said, desperate to get the moment right. “Do I think it’s a good idea after the emotional day both of us just had? No, not really. Not if we want this relationship to be more than surface level.”
Drew let out a breath and hung his head. It looked like a gesture of defeat, but Lee could practically see the tension sliding off his man’s shoulders. When Drew finally glanced up at him, he said, “I do want this to be more than surface level. But everything is so new for me. Not only wanting these things withanother guy, but I haven’t been in the dating pool for, like, five years. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing either,” Lee confessed. “I haven’t wanted more than a good time with a guy in ages.”
Drew’s smile grew, and this time, it was genuine. “Aren’t you supposed to be the expert in all things romance?”
Lee laughed. “You’d think, since that’s what I write about. But in my experience, authors are good at writing things because they’re shit at them in real life.”
Drew chuckled at that, and for the first time all day, Lee felt like the mood might lift.
Then Drew’s smile dropped.
“I guess I should go back to my own apartment, then,” he said, sounding genuinely defeated by the idea.
“Not because I don’t want you here,” Lee reassured him, pulling him into a hug. “Just because I don’t think either of us are in a good place today. We’ve both lost something or have been reminded of losses today. I think we need to sort things on our own before we can be any use to each other.”
Drew hugged him tightly. “I want to be with you,” he whispered against the side of Lee’s neck. “But I want to do it right. I’ve been in an unhealthy relationship for a long time, and my life is crazy. I don’t want to mess this up, too.”
“You won’t,” Lee insisted, squeezing him for all he was worth. He leaned back enough to look him in the eyes. “We won’t. We’ll do this right.”
Drew nodded. They studied each other for a moment. Then, because Lee just couldn’t help himself, he cupped Drew’s face and leaned in to kiss him.
It was the best kiss they’d had yet. It wasn’t hurried or greedy. It was full and wet and emotional. They were each trying so hard to give the other what they needed while maintaining their own boundaries. Lee could feel the emotionand exhaustion of the day in Drew’s lips and in his shoulders as he slipped his hands down to grip them.
They weren’t okay, but they were adults trying to behave like adults, and they would be okay.
Lee accompanied Drew downstairs after he’d called a car to pick him up. They stood out in the balmy night together, wrapped in the unique sort of busy hush that only London could create. Somewhere, there were cars and sirens and music playing, but in the square outside of Lee’s apartment, everything was peaceful and lovely.
“I don’t really want to go,” Drew confessed once his car pulled up. “I’ll tell Ali to turn around and come back in the morning if you’ve changed your mind.”
Lee grinned at his boyfriend, maybe his for real boyfriend, and tugged him in for a cursory kiss. “Go,” he said. “And stop tempting me with the thing I actually want.”
“Okay,” Drew laughed, kissing him back, then peeling away and heading for the car. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Please do,” Lee said, waving as Drew stepped into the car.
It was actually a lovely moment. The two of them were connecting on a deep level, despite bad moments, discomfort, and suspicion. As the car drove away and Lee headed back inside, he actually caught himself feeling disappointed that there weren’t paparazzi hiding in the bushes to capture the whole thing. If anyone in the world needed proof that Drew was exactly who he said he was and that their relationship was real, that moment would have proved it.
As if widening his thoughts to the larger world invited it in, Lee’s phone was ringing on the kitchen counter as he entered his apartment. He raced to grab his phone and to see whether the call was worth answering.
He was glad he did. Jerry Turnbridge’s name flashed on his screen.
“Hello?” he answered the call, his heart already beating hard from walking up the stairs.
“Hey, Lee. I’m glad I caught you,” Jerry said, warm but somehow also sly. “It’s not too late over there, is it?”
In fact, it was late, and on a weekend, too. But Lee wasn’t about to tell the top-tier literary agent who had sought him out that. “No, no, it’s fine,” he said, pacing into the main part of his flat. “What can I do for you, Jerry?”
“It’s what I can do for you,” Jerry said. “That’s why I’m calling. I’ve had a really interesting nibble from a publisher that I wanted to talk to you about right away, before the week starts, even.”
Lee sat down hard on his couch. This was it. This was the moment all writers dreamed of. One of the best agents in the world was about to discuss an offer from a publisher with him. He’d sent Jerry the synopsis and first three chapters of the contemporary book he was almost finished writing. All his risks were about to pay off.
“I’m all ears,” he said, wishing Drew hadn’t left after all. He would have loved to share this moment with him. He should call Diana as well and?—
“I’ve got a big three publisher champing at the bit to have you write a tell-all book about dating Drew Oberlin for them.”