“Lee is exceptionally talented.” Drew sent Lee a smile that almost made him think everything was alright after all. “I can’t wait to read this new book he’s working on.”
Heat rose to Lee’s face, and he would have reached for Drew’s hand across the table if his mum hadn’t been studying him so intently.
“It would be a shame if anything came between Lee and his career,” Mum said to end the conversation, standing and gathering the plates to take into the kitchen.
Drew sent Lee a wary look as soon as she stepped away from the table.
It wasn’t until their drive home that either of them were able to say anything, though.
“I can’t figure out if your mom likes me or not,” Drew said, his wry grin hinting he was trying to see the lighter side of the afternoon instead of latching onto the worst.
Lee sighed as he made the turn off the motorway. “Mum is still deep in the grieving process,” he said, a little too tense for comfort himself. His mum’s suspicions still rattled around in his brain like loose change he couldn’t quite find under the seat. “Losing Dan was hard on us both. I’m all she has left now, so she’s gone a bit protective.”
“Which makes perfect sense,” Drew said, nothing but kindness in his voice. “I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose a child like she did.”
Lee sent a quick, curious look Drew’s way. “Do you want to have children?” he asked point blank. It was a blunt question, but most of his swirling uncertainty came from the fact that he didn’t know Drew as well as he should for the two of them to be dating. Blunt questions were the way to find things like that out.
Drew shrugged, glancing out the window at the nighttime traffic. “I think so.”
Lee glanced his way again. “You’re not sure?”
Drew turned to look at him just as Lee was forced to concentrate on the road again. “I like kids. I’ve always imagined myself having some one day. But now….”
The way he let the question drift off tightened Lee’s gut and made his heart ache for the obvious uncertainty gripping Drew. “But now?” Lee prompted.
Drew let out a heavy breath and rubbed a hand over his face, hinting at how exhausted he was. “I never dreamed I’d achieve this level of fame. I mean, actors all hope, when they commit themselves to this career, that they’ll find steady work and maybe even get some sort of recognition for it. But this level of superstardom? I’m still adjusting to it, adjusting my entire life. I want to think kids still play a role in my future, but if things keep up like this….”
Again, he let his sentence drift off into angst and uncertainty.
Despite the part of him that had been knocked sideways by his mum’s concerns, Lee reached across and rested a hand on Drew’s knee. “None of us know what the future holds,” he said. “You could be embroiled in some sort of horrific scandal tomorrow and your entire career might implode. You could have kids then.”
Drew laughed, fortunately. The quip could easily have gone wrong.
A moment later, he sat back and let out a noisy, emotional breath. “I don’t know if kids are in my future at all, now that I’m discovering all these new things about myself and my sexuality.”
Lee was able to send him a flat look as he drove. “Men can have families with other men these days, you know. This isn’t the Dark Ages. There’s adoption and surrogacy.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” Drew said, sounding more vulnerable than ever. He glanced at Lee and asked, “What about you? Do you want kids?”
The question felt incredibly pointed, all things considered.
“Yes, I think so,” Lee answered with a puzzled look. “I suppose I should start thinking about that soon, since thirty is just around the corner.”
“Mmm, thirty,” Drew said with just a hint of a smirk. “We’ll be ancient then.”
Lee laughed. It would have been lovely if that conversation turned things around and lightened the mist of tension that flooded the car, but they weren’t quite there yet.
“At the rate we’re going, I can have you back at your apartment by nine,” Lee said after a full five minutes of silence.
Drew sent him an unreadable look, then asked, “Could we go to your place instead?”
Lee’s eyebrows inched up, and he peeked at Drew again. “Yes, of course, if that’s what you want.”
“That’s what I want,” Drew said, though there was something else under his supposed certainty.
Lee couldn’t figure out what was going on. Drew wanting to spend the night with him was a good thing. They could have sex, get closer, get to know each other better. It was what he wanted.
But by the time they parked as close to Lee’s building as they could get and made their way inside, the unspoken clash between their moods was so thick Lee could almost taste it.