“You will return,” I said. It had the edge of a question, but truthfully, it was a command.
For a fleeting second, honesty returned to Assistant 23’s voice. “Of course I will.”
And then he was out the door.
13 /Assistant 23
I feltlike I was about to throw up.
After I burst out of Farr’vye’s hut, I ran like a madman.
My guts hurt. Those bites of fruit were a mistake, no matter how sexy it was that Farr’vye fed them to me. Now they churned in my stomach like tar, threatening to make an ugly reappearance.
The village was almost empty. Only a few straggling Maeleons remained outside, and they were distracted by doing last-minute fortifications on their homes. That was a minor blessing. Everyone was too busy to notice the debut of my exposed face.
But being exposed wasn’t why I felt sick. It was because I was a stupid cowardly asshole.
I couldn’t muster the courage to tell Farr’vye the truth. I realized now that it took bravery to be honest. Bravery I didn’t have.
I ran past the huts until I reached the edge of the village. I doubled over and braced myself on my knees, panting hard. Going back to my own hut wasn’t enough. Farr’vye would check there first. I had to go someplace he wouldn’t find me.
Where he wouldn’t see me completely unravel into a pathetic weeping mess.
The cloudy sky was dark and motionless. No thunder, and not a drop of rain. I still had time. Maybe if I were quick, I could fall apart and put myself together again before running back to Farr’vye…
That is, if he still liked me after my stupid outburst.
Anxiety twisted my chest. I couldn’t stop it. It felt like a giant fist was crushing my ribs. All my progress with Farr’vye’s help felt meaningless. He’d helped me come so far, and for what? So I could panic and flip out on him when he was only trying to comfort me?
God, I’m so dumb!
If I were smarter or braver, I’d turn around and go back. Instead, I kept running until I was past the last hut. The high stalks of the Sweetfields provided decent cover. Trembling, I wove into them and sat down on the dirt. I hugged my knees to my chest and rocked back and forth in a lame effort to soothe myself. Compared to Farr’vye’s comfort, it was bland and useless. I didn’t know why I bothered.
But I had to get past this incoming spiral. And it had to be done alone. Because if anyone saw the sobbing, snotty mess I’d dissolve into…
I buried my face in my knees. I didn’t want to imagine that. My existence was embarrassing enough.
A distant boom of thunder made me yelp.
The storm was coming.
Please, just get this over with quickly…
My heart was beating so hard that it was painful. Closing my eyes didn’t help. It only dragged up old memories ofhim.
Unit 44.
My former coworker. The human who’d manipulated Kur’tok. The man who saw me for what I was: a pathetic loser meant to be berated and belittled.
Thinking of Unit 44 almost felt like a relief. He was right. Iwasa loser. A sniveling weirdo. I didn’t deserve any of Farr’vye’s attention or care. It was better spent on anyone else. The sooner he realized that, the better.
Thunder boomed again. Closer.
I began to shiver, and it didn’t stop. Storms moved faster on Eukaria than they did on Earth. It rained frequently on this planet, but thunderstorms were rare—and when they came, they hit hard.
The last one I’d experienced was eight years ago. The night Unit 44 was killed. The night I ran away from the Maeleons in a desperate, terrified panic. I ran into the wilderness, expecting to die there, alone and unimportant.
I didn’t. Somehow, I was too useless even to do that.