He wasn’t about to tell Xan that he’d exchanged numbers with the men.
“Well, I’m glad you had one night at least. And in case you were wondering, Decoy is asleep in the security room downstairs. I didn’t think you’d want him up here while you hadcompany, so I locked him in with his food dishes and the litter box.”
Valentin smiled. His employees all claimed to be annoyed with the cat but secretly loved him. “Thanks.”
“’Course. Good night.”
Valentin locked the door after Xan and pulled down the Murphy bed from the wall. After the trouble started withBergam, he had the upstairs rooms converted into one large office suite, essentially making a fortress for himself. Lately, he’d been sleeping here more than at his condo.
But thinking of the man patrolling downstairs, and that the club required round-the-clock security, reminded him just how much he had going on.
It had seemed like the right move getting the betas’ numbers. But actually calling them? That was dangerous in so many ways. Not just his heart, but more importantly, if Bergam thought Valentin had a weak spot, he’d exploit it. The spiteful alpha wasn’t above harming innocents.
As good as it had been with them, Valentin didn’t have the ability to let anyone into his life right now. And not just because of Bergam. After the intensity of the sex, he didn’t think a low-key, friends-with-benefits type situation was an option.
His inner alpha had been absolutely feral. Once he’d pushed his cock into Assa’s hole, he’d barely stopped himself from biting his neck and shoulders. He’d maintained enough awareness to keep his knot from popping—not all betas could take one and they hadn’t discussed it—but just barely. His alpha would be uncontrollable if he ever got inside Wes.
He shivered, imagining it.
Then he immediately shook his head. No, he had to let the couple go. There was no future for them amid Valentin’s chaos. He needed to keep them safe. They had pancakes to make.
After getting the bed situated, he stripped and headed into the bathroom to shower. Opening the sliding glass door to the enclosure, he glimpsed the tattoo on his right shoulder blade. A bunch of zinnias. His heart lurched.
Zeller. The baby.
Had he betrayed his memories?
He’d never thought so before, with his partners so instantly forgotten. But Assa and Wes had penetrated his defenses. Easily. Like they’d been meant to do so.
The guilt returned. Hollow and threatening.
But also, underneath it, a tiny fraction of hope.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Calder
Calder looked around the cheerful kitchen of the rental house, with its yellow-hued walls and potted plants, thinking he was as ready as he would ever be. At least when it came to plans for Zinn’s heat.
For the days after that—how could he possibly prepare himself?
Between signing a formal agreement and surrendering his parental rights, Calder had gone far against his nature in how he would have preferred to handle this. In his ideal scenario, he would act as Zinn’s good friend, taking care to ensure they enjoyed a pleasurable time together. In an exceptionally ideal world, it would be the beginning of their exploring a longer-term relationship.
But that wasn’t what Zinn wanted. He had insisted on the formality. The contract. He’d told Calder that he wanted to stick as close to his original plan as possible. With his heat coming any day, he said that he simply didn’t have the brainpowerto negotiate different terms, although he’d also been clear that nothing would have compelled him to compromise on the parental rights issue. Still, Calder questioned what they would have agreed upon if he’d made his offer sooner.
He chided himself for not foreseeing Zinn’s dilemma months ago. The omega had worked for him for two years and didn’t have a partner. Obviously, he would need an alternate plan to deal with his heat. But Calder had been so busy fighting his attraction, explaining away his response to Zinn’s gentle laugh and whip-smart asides, his drive and his work ethic, that he hadn’t allowed himself to wonder about it.
He’d pushed his feelings aside and was now scrambling to catch up, to figure out what Zinn needed, and he wanted his preparations to show how much he cared.
That was why, after they’d signed the contract, he’d asked Zinn if he could make the arrangements for where the heat would take place, with Zinn having veto power, of course.
After a brief hesitation, Zinn agreed, and Calder knew it was because their contract was so lopsided. Zinn had said many times he feared he was taking advantage of him.
Allowing Calder to make these plans was the omega’s way of restoring some sense of balance and reciprocity between them.
Calder suspected it was also the reason Zinn had explicitly told him not to hold back on giving or receiving pleasure during his heat waves, stating bluntly that he didn’t want Calder to be nothing but a hard cock for him to use.
“I had awful experiences with heats in the past, but I’m not terrified this time,” Zinn explained after they signed the papers. “You’re the first person I’ve trusted in forever, and I don’t plan on holding back. I want you to enjoy my body, and I want to enjoy yours. That might be the best thing about you doing this. I would not have given the grad student the same privilege. But with you, I know I’m safe.”