I’m exhausted and I need sleep desperately. I love you with all my heart, but please don’t come.
She FaceTimes. I sigh but answer.
“See? I’m alive and well.” I do a shot of my nose, and she huffs into the phone.
“Okay, it actually does make me feel better to see your snotty nose,” she says.
I do a nose check. “I do not have a snotty nose.”
“Made you look,” she says, laughing. She sobers up quickly. “You promise you’re okay?”
“No. But I asked for this, right? I knew the risk involved with Lola, and I went for it anyway.”
“She didn’t…want anything romantically?” she asks carefully.
“Oh, she did. She wanted to fuck me all night and then fuck me over.”
Goldie’s mouth drops open. “No, she did not.”
I run my hand over my face, hating that I even said that much about Lola. I’m so fucking upset with her, but I don’t talk shit about her. Ever. Because even if she sends me to hell and back, I know she’s not a bad person. I’ve always felt like I’m missing something with her. Things just don’t add up.
She looks at me as if I’m her whole world, and then walks away from me.
Either I’m missing something, or she’s the world’s best actor, and I just keep wanting to watch the same show over and over.
“I’ll be okay,” I say finally. I try to muster a smile. “I always am, right?”
Her eyes are glassy, and she bites her bottom lip to keep it from wobbling. “I’m so sorry, Tully. I can’t describe how much I hate this. I want to crush her into the dirt.”
My eyes go wide. “Golds. That’s a little harsh.”
“Oh, I go scorched earth for the ones I love. You know that. And she has messed with you one too many times.”
“She’s not a bad person. She’s really not. If you saw the sadness in her eyes, you’d—” I shake my head, unable to go on.
“Even now, you defend her.”
I hear footsteps, and Knox sticks his head in the doorway.
“Hey, there you are,” he says. “Oh, sorry, man.”
“I gotta go, Golds. Love you.”
“I love you. Don’t go silent,” she demands.
“I won’t.”
We hang up, and I look at Knox.
“Sorry to interrupt,” he says.
“No worries. Just talking to my sister.”
“A bunch of us are going for a quick drink. Come with us. You look like you could use one.”
“Not tonight, man. I’m exhausted.”
“I insist. Come on. We won’t stay long. I won’t take no for an answer.”