“Naphele,” he muttered under his breath. “I need you.”
My smile died on my lips. Levi grunted and snored lightly. He was still completely asleep, yet the words had come. He was dreaming of her. Crushing devastation crashed into me. I sat up slowly, feeling the first tear slide down my cheek. I’d been ready to believe, and now this. Levihadbeen telling the truth. Hedidwant me, but his subconscious wasn’t ready to let go yet.
If this was what his mind was like now, after everything he’d said, what would it be like in a few years? How did you change what someone wanted deep inside, in the darkest recess of their heart, where they didn’t even have full control? The answer was simple. You didn’t. You couldn’t. That wasn’t something anyone else could control. Only he could.
It felt as though an icy fist had clenched deep inside my chest. I glanced at my watch again. Anders said he’d wait until sunset. I still had more than enough time. A life with a man I didn’t truly love was better than a life where I’d always be second, never first, in the eyes of the man youdidlove. It was honestly worse than being rejected. This felt much worse than what Anders had done to me. At least he’d done it while he was conscious. I could blame him for it. This? Levi was asleep. A deep and unyielding part of himself couldn’t let go of Naphele. It would always be there.
As quickly and quietly as I could, I dressed, holding back sobs.
I can’t do this, I thought as I tied my shoes.
It wasn’t fair to me or Levi. He had to figure this out for himself, and I couldn’t be here for it. I refused. I had no anger in my heart toward him, not anymore. In fact, my heart brokefor him. I now understood what it was like to want someone so badly, but not be able to have them.
Leaning over the bed, I gazed at his face one last time, then kissed him softly. I allowed my lips to linger on his for a few seconds, then turned and hurried out the door, forcing myself not to look back. Closing the door quietly, I headed straight for the forest, not even bothering to grab my things from the bunkhouse. I was too afraid to run into someone. Linnea, Rainier, or someone else would delay me. I couldn’t risk Levi waking up and finding me gone. I didn’t have the mental strength to tell him to his face that I was leaving him. Even as I sprinted into the surrounding forest, I realized how cowardly I was being, but I couldn’t help it. My heart was broken, and I didn’t want to prolong my suffering. Maybe one day, when all the old wounds had healed, and Levi had finally found his beloved Naphele, I could come back and apologize to him and the others.
After a couple of miles, my tears were dry. I finally stopped running and walked. I was making good time, and from the position of the sun, I was headed in the right direction. I’d become better at navigation now that I could shift. My inner wolf had some sort of innate ability to understand where to go and how to get there. It was a hell of a change from the way I’d been before. I thought about that as I walked. Anything to keep my mind off Levi and everything I was leaving behind.
I entered a small clearing on the outskirts of Idlewild. I knew the spot well. The old tree trunk I’d sat on when Levi kissed me years ago was still there. It was mostly rotten now, but it was still recognizable. Anders stood beside it, grinning when he saw me.
“I wasn’t sure you’d come,” he said.
I shrugged helplessly, trying to hide my emotions. “I’m here. I’ve decided to come with you.”
“You have?” He took a step forward. “Really?”
“Yeah.” I held up my hand to stop him from approaching. “Hang on. There’s something you need to see.”
He tilted his head like a confused dog. “What do I need to see?”
Sighing, I tried to relax as I reached out to my inner wolf. “The thing you’ve wanted to see our whole lives,” I said.
Without any more preamble, I shifted into my wolf, landing on four legs. Anders’s eyes grew wide with shock, and his mouth dropped open. He looked absolutely ridiculous.
“I’ll be damned,” he said, and he actually sounded impressed. “That’s amazing. Are you ready to come back home?” he asked. “Back to where you belong?”
I hesitated for only a moment, then nodded my wolf head once. Anders’s smile widened.
“Your grandparents are going to be really excited,” he said. “Here, let me shift too. What better way for the alpha to return than with his gorgeous wolf mate next to him?”
I couldn’t shrug in this form. Instead, I simply stared back at him placidly, wondering why this didn’t feel as right as I’d hoped it would. Anders shifted and approached me, running his muzzle along mine. I allowed it, doing my best to push away all my old feelings for him the same way I was trying to push away thoughts of Levi.
Eventually, he turned and trotted in the direction of Idlewild. I joined him, walking slightly behind as we made our way toward home. A moment before we exited the clearing, a strange tickle worked its way into my mind, as if I was being watched. I turned my head, then froze mid-step. Levi stood at the other end of the clearing, watching me go. The look on his face was a mask of haunted confusion and heartbreak. Shame and fear surged through me, and before he had a chance to even call out, I broke into a run, passing Anders. He sped up to catch me. As we ran, my mind screamed out in sorrow, but I’d made my choice.
There was no going back now.
PART 2
48
JUNIPER
Levi’s face bore the traces of hurt and agony as he stared after me. The heartbreak I saw in his eyes tore at my soul. This wasn’t how I’d wanted this to go. I never wanted him to watch me leave with another man. Part of me wanted to rush back, to give him one last kiss, an embrace—anything. Even after all we’d been through, he deserved that, but deep down, I knew this was the best way. There could never be anything between Levi and me as long as the shadow of Naphele stood like an impenetrable wall between us.
If Anders had noticed, he gave no sign. He rushed onward, back toward Idlewild and away from the clearing. Levi took a shaky, hesitant step forward, his brows furrowing in confusion. Ashamed, I turned away, not giving him a chance to say a single word. I bolted into the forest, moving as fast as my paws could carry me.
As I ran, I kept trying to listen, terrified that Levi might chase us down to demand an answer. My heart shuddered at the thought, and I put on even more speed, quickly catching up to Anders. Trees flashed past as I ran alongside him. Casting a single worried glance over my shoulder, I found theforest behind us empty. No Levi, just trees, shrubs, and broken dreams.
Ahead lay my home, my family, my friends, and a new mate. Anders’s paws pounded the ground as we ran through the forest, and I couldn’t help but think about what life would be like with him. How strange it would be to stand in Idlewild as the alpha’s mate. The problem was, I wasn’t entirely sure how I felt about that.