“Want my cum deep inside you?”
I nodded harder still. “Even with everything else tonight, I couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen when we got home.”
For whatever reason, that did it. The vibrator was pulled free and tossed to the side before Rhys was between my legs. Replacing the paltry substitution with something so much better. He filled me in one powerful thrust. But rather than moving in and out, he stayed planted deep. “Love hearing you say that.”
I wrapped my legs around his and tried to make him move as I asked, “Say what?”
“Home. You’ve called it that a few times now.”
I hadn’t even noticed I’d done it once, much less any more than that.
Unintentional or not, Rhys was taking the opening I presented. “Glad you feel that way since you’re moving in.”
It wasn’t a suggestion or a request or even a question.
That was fine. I had enough questions for both of us. “What? When? Why?”
“Already said the what. When is ASA-fuckin’-P. Why is ’cause I said so.”
The sudden declaration, along with the fact he was literally inside me, made it hard to form a complete thought and even harder to force it out as a coherent sentence. “But… I… You… We can’t…” I shook my head to clear it.
He misinterpreted the motion, and his jaw set. That was the only warning I got before I was flipped so I was on top of him.
“Is it ’cause I don’t want kids?” he asked suddenly, his expression blank as he stared up at me.
Oh shit.
It wasn’t. Not at all. But I answered his question with one of my own. One I’d been wanting to ask, but the timing had never felt right. “Why don’t you?”
At the way he tensed under me, I shifted up his torso until his cock slipped free. I tried to roll off of him, too, but his hold tightened. “If I’m gonna talk about this shit, I want you close.”
Oh shit, times two.
When the silence stretched, I let him off the hook. “We don’t have to talk about this right now.”
“Just trying to figure out where to start.” He dragged his palm down his face. “Okay. A few years after I opened Rye, I was seeing this woman. Amy. At the time, I thought I was in love. Actually, I thought that up until recently, when I felt what real love was and realized it’d never been like that. Not even on thebest day, not that we had many of those. We fought a shit-ton but so had my parents. That was what I’d grown up with. I figured it was normal. When I started to find more reasons to stay at work ’cause I dreaded going home, I knew it was time to call it quits. Amy told me she was pregnant before I got that far.”
Sourness churned with the dread in my stomach since his story clearly didn’t have a happy ending, but I kept my mouth shut so he would keep sharing.
“I didn’t want my kid growing up with parents who hated each other like I had, but I also felt like I owed it to both of them to give the relationship a chance. I put everything I had into it. Did up a nursery in my apartment. Took care of her. Went to every last appointment and ultrasound. I spent months falling in love with that baby before she was born. Then she was and… Let’s just say it was obvious to everyone in the hospital room that she wasn’t mine. Amy broke down crying and confirmed she’d cheated but begged me to forgive her. In my mind, I was Ellie’s father. I had been since the day I found out about her. I was pissed and hurt, and it really fucked with my head, but I wasn’t heartless. I wasn’t kicking Amy and a newborn out right after she’d given birth. That was still my baby, even if it wasn’t by blood and the relationship with her mother was done.”
My heart ached for Rhys, and I knew he wasn’t done. That it was about to get worse. I braced even as I asked, “What happened?”
“Amy pushed for reconciliation, but it didn’t happen. I couldn’t touch her. Didn’t love her. I barely wanted to talk to her unless it was about Ellie. I slept on the couch. Amy lived in the bedroom like it was her own mini apartment. I think she stuck around so long, assuming that I would eventually give it a try for Ellie’s sake. She knew how much I loved that baby, and it made her resentful. But I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to be my folks. Thatwasn’t fair to anyone involved. When Ellie was six months, she called medadafor the first time. Christ, I was so happy. I was telling everyone at the bar. Amy must not have shared my joy ’cause by the time I got home that night, they were both gone. No number. No forwarding address. Amy packed up their stuff and left. I spun out and followed her lead. Packed some shit in my saddlebag and rode off on my motorcycle without a single plan or destination. Thankfully, I had good people at Rye to keep things running when I took off, but at the time, I didn’t care if the place went under. The fewer roots I had, the better.”
“Couldn’t you go after Amy for visitation?”
“With how shit went down in the hospital, I never signed the birth certificate. In the eyes of the law, I had no claim to Ellie.”
“Did you try to find her?”
“Succeeded at it, too. But I’m not Glitch or Nox, and I didn’t know those guys at that point. By the time I tracked them down, Ellie was old enough that my sudden appearance would’ve been confusing. She wouldn’t remember me. I was a stranger in her life. I dug in enough to see that they were safe and had a good life, and then I left. It fuckin’ killed, but it would’ve been selfish as hell to mess with her stability.”
It reminded me a little of my brother Silas and Addy, just a million times worse. His ex was inflexible with their schedules, but at least he got to see Addy and be in her life.
“Anyway,” Rhys continued, “between that and my own childhood, I made the decision I didn’t want to bring a kid into the world. I didn’t want to even risk it. I never regretted that decision.”
I didn’t fault him for that. Not one bit. The amount of hurt and betrayal he’d faced and put aside to take care of Amy and Ellie was admirable. But to do all that, bond with the baby, and then lose it all with no notice?