I knew it was her because I felt safe.
“You can hear me, right, Niall?” A hand is being stroked along my cheek, and hair being pushed out of my eyes. I didn’t have to look down to know I was in the faded dark gray sweatshirt I had worn to Declan’s party after the game. To know that I had been drinking away my problems like I always did after a bad loss.
Only it was worse than a loss to a game. I lost my shit entirely.
“Can you open your eyes?”
“Sorry,” I murmur, trying to get out of my head long enough to separate eyelid from eyelid. It’s a habit. To live with my eyes closed is something I long for. Get enough drink in me and I clamp my eyes shut and become blind to the world. “M’sorry I lost it.”
She’s upside down from this view, but she still looks like an angel. I’m laying flat on my back, overtop of the covers on my four post bed in the same room I’d lived in since I was in nappiesand there was a crib in the corner. I know Comet has to be around here somewhere, if not in Claire’s room with her and—
“Oh my god,” I mutter in panic, trying to sit up but she keeps me down. She’s sitting cross criss (criss cross?) applesauce behind me, my head planted between her legs and using her as a pillow.
“Don’t move. JJ said you could barely walk from Fitzy’s truck to the curb.”
“Jonathan Jarlathis unsupervised with my sister, and that’s a big problem,” I say, my lips shaking as I talk. I think I’m cold. God, no, I’m freezing. Like I’ve just come out of the freezing water my brain drowns me in every night when I close my eyes.
It should’ve been me.
Me when it happened to Claire.
Me when it happened to Dad.
I should be under
The water and the ground
“He’ll be fine,”Mollysays, trying to coax me back into a peaceful state with her soft hands and shushing sounds. “Believe it or not, he’s not as bad as he seems. Someone once told me he’sall bark and no bite.”
“Mmm, he is,” I hum, and then it dissolves into a childlike giggling sound. “I told ya that.”
“Yeah, silly goose,” she says, her laugh matching mine.Twin set, never one without the other. “You did.”
My eyes are drifting shut again and she’s shifting me onto my side and off her legs. Soon my head is on my pillowcase. My whole body feels like crap. My head feels worse, mostly from the reeling thoughts passing through it and refusing to let up.
“No,” I hear myself whine.
“Yes, you have to lay on your side or you’ll choke on your own vomit.”
“No, no, I don’t want to sleep,” I whisper. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t, Niall. I’ll be here all night long.” A blanket is tucked around my shoulders. It felt weird being tucked in while wearing joggers and a hoodie. Normally I was stripped down to my briefs for bedtime. “Like you said. You can’t get rid of me.”
“I’m going.” I think I’m crying or something. My nose is definitely stuffed up. “I’m gonna be all lost and all alone. I don’t like the water.”
I don’t make much sense to myself, and I’m sure she has even less of an idea on what I’m on about. At least I know the source material.
“You don’t have to worry. I won’t let you get lost. And hey, if you ever are?”
“Hmm?”
“I’ll find you.”
Part One
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You and Me