“All my stuff is packed.”
“So unpack it.”
I close my eyes, wincing at how straightforward he makes it sound, as though a packed bag is our only obstacle. I take a breath, opening my eyes to find him staring at me. “Please don’t. I’m ready to leave. And why would I stay? For what? This thing between us can’t be more than a dirty secret. It’s not realistic. I’myour daughter’s best friend. I don’t want to betray her trust. I know we’ve already done that, but think about it. You’ll be aterrible father, and I’ll be a terrible friend. I don’t want to ruin what she has with you. It’s not worth it.”
His expression hardens. “Your conscience is a bit slow to kick in, Diana.”
“Yeah. I know. It’s a problem. I’m impulsive. But my business is doing well. I have money. I’m about to move out. I’m on the brink of independence. Ever since my dad forced me to get engaged, I’ve wanted exactly this. And I’ve worked so hard for it.” I tap the tip of his nose with my finger, and he flinches. “I’m not going to stay here and be your kept woman.”
I’m not going to stay here and let you love me.
He rubs a hand over his eyes, letting out a long sigh. “I’m not sure anyone could keep you.”
“Probably not.” I shrug as I fake a casual smile, but inside, the pain in my heart is so sharp that I can no longer ignore it. I’m giving up the only person who’s ever moved me. The only sex I’ve ever had that hasn’t been empty. But I’d sacrifice it all up so that Lizzie doesn’t ever have to feel the pain of having a father who betrays her. I wish she could keep the version of Rafe Bastion before he met me. The father who always put her first. The father who dances with her on the kitchen island when she’s sad. Who loved her exactly the way a father should. Who still loves her that way.
I’ve never had that, but Lizzie does. And I would rather die than take it from her. I’m the problem here, and as soon as I leave, everything can go back to how it was before.
Rafe will forget about me, and Lizzie will have her dad.
And I’ll have exactly what I set out to achieve: financial freedom. I’msoclose to getting what I set out to accomplish.
This is what I wanted, isn’t it?
My heart pinches at the question. I wanted freedom to chooseeverything,including the man I give my heart to, and somehow I still don’t havethat.
“I mean it,” I say to him. “I don’t want to do this. I don’t want this to become a thing I have to hide when Lizzie comes back.”
“I’ve been hiding how I feel about you for far too long already.”
An uncomfortable heat creeps under my skin. “You said she was the most important thing.”
“Yes,” he admits.
“Well, then. Don’t mess things up with her for my sake.”
He says nothing, but I sense his conflict as he continues watching his finger while he trails it over my bare skin. I’ve never been so tenderly caressed before, as if every inch of me is equally worthy of attention, and the fact that he’s doing it even as I’m telling him this has to be over is a pain I never knew to anticipate.
“Please,” I say, and his gentle caress ceases. “Swear it to me.”
“Swear what?”
“That this will never happen again.” My throat is choked as I add, “That this is the last time. It’s best for everyone.”
He swallows, examining my face, his expression serious. “Okay,” he says, but it doesn’t sound like agreement. It sounds like defeat. “No repeats.”
“No repeats,” I echo, forcing a smile even though inside, my heart is breaking.
36
RAFE
“She’s doing well. Your bit on the side,” Julian says, flashing his phone at me, where he has Diana’s social media open. He’s looking altogether too comfortable as he sits in my office on the other side of my desk. When Henry told him the truth about Diana, his eyes nearly popped out. He couldn’t believe that she was the woman from the elevator at Delirium. Best piece of gossip he’s ever heard, apparently.
I wish he’d never told him. Having Henry know was bad enough, but it feels too raw to have Julian talk about Diana as though she didn’t break my heart.
Henry, hands in his pockets, is staring out the office window. He’s been silent for minutes, watching the rain stream down the glass.
Julian shakes his phone to get my attention, and begrudgingly, I give it to him. A video of Diana sitting around a table with some Hollywood A-listers discussing the newest book to movie adaptation is playing. He scrolls and flashes up pictures of her in one of the Erica Lefroy dresses I bought her, lilac this time,walking the red carpet for some function or other, waving and smiling like she’s having the time of her life.