“I lied.” I flick water back at him and yell, “Go!” before I push off and head for the other end.
20
DIANA
Life in the Emblem has taken on a strange pattern, but it’s one I love. I’ve been here over a month, and I swim with Rafe every morning.
We never openly agreed to it, but after that first time, it fell into place. I’d be a liar if I didn’t go down there the following day at the same time, hoping to find him.
And the fact that he was there, swimming lengths, offering me that handsome smile when he saw me?
Incredible. Wonderful.
After exhausting myself in the pool, I work hard all day, and not just because I want to succeed, but to distract myself from thinking of him. I read, annotate and make content. With the new equipment I’ve bought, thanks to another loan from Rafe, my online course is looking fan-bloody-tastic, and my videos are better than ever. He was right; my face is how people knew me, and my old followers have flocked back. Not as many as before, but enough. I’ve started charging for my book marketing work too, so I have cash coming in, and if I can sell a couple of myonline courses every day, I’ll be able to afford to rent somewhere in no time.
In the evening, we all eat dinner together if Rafe comes home in time. If he doesn’t, Lizzie and I help ourselves to food the chef made in advance, or we go out to eat. When we get back, she watches TV or goes to bed early, while Rafe and I sit together and discuss my business. Sometimes he’ll watch a few of my videos and analyse them. Some have had him belly-laughing, and I relish the sound, knowing I made it happen. It’s almost like he’s my friend.
A friend I’ve had amazing sex with. A friend I’d really love to have more amazing sex with. But he’s also a friend I’m keeping a terrible secret from.
I wish I could come clean, but the truth would change everything I love in our dynamic.
Or would it? Is there the slightest chance that if I told him, he’d still want me? In any capacity?
It’s pointless to even think it. I couldn’t do that to Lizzie. Although, I’ve already done it…
She’s been here less and less recently, always meeting the new friends she’s travelling to South America with, which means, a lot of the time, it’s only me and Rafe in the house.
I’m half-delighted, half-tormented by the arrangement. I haven’t hooked up with anyone else. Not that there has been the opportunity for it, but even if there had been, I’m not interested. Rafe is the only man I want, and the interactions I have with him are enough to satisfy me. I’m nurturing the longing in my soul, feeding it with stolen glances, the sound of his laugh, the accidental touch of his hand on mine as he reaches across me to shift a piece of paper or take control of my computer.
I know I shouldn’t want him and can’t have him, but every time he says my name in that deep voice of his, a little piece ofmy resistance crumbles. I want to press my lips to his ear and whisper my secret.
It was me.
I wonder if he knows. Sometimes it feels like there’s a charge between us, and I think he knows but isn’t admitting it. Other times, it couldn’t be clearer that he hasn’t a clue.
“Diana.” His voice booms through the kitchen, shattering my train of thought. I blink back into the present to find myself staring out at Hyde Park. When I turn, Rafe is leaning in the doorway, his smile wide. “Come here.” He beckons me. “Lizzie and I want to show you something.”
I take a gulp of the glass of water I’m holding and set it down before following him out into the living area, where Lizzie is waiting, an excited expression on her face.
But we don’t linger there. Instead, we continue down the corridor and stop outside Rafe’s office.
“Wait,” Lizzie says, producing a black silk scarf which she insists on tying around my head to cover my eyes. It makes me giggle.
The door clicks open, and a large hand, which must be Rafe’s, rests on my lower back, guiding me into the room and positioning me so I’m facing whatever they want to show me.
“Surprise,” Lizzie yells, and her father teases the silk from my eyes.
I’m standing in front of the bookshelves, which are now filled with row upon row of special editions, gilt spines, sprayed edges. Some, I recognise immediately, others I’ve never seen before. All of Rafe’s leather-bound books have been removed.
I stare in awe. “What’s this?”
“Your books,” Lizzie says. “It’s not all of them because I couldn’t for the life of me find the same signed special edition ofTaming the Beastthat you used to have, but it’s everything elseI could think of. Every book you’ve mentioned in your content, and anything else we thought you might like.”
Tears spring to my eyes. “You went through my videos?”
“I did,” Rafe says. “And together we made a list. So now you have a library and a backdrop for your videos.”
“So these books are…mine?”