Fourteen.“Oh, Haris,” she said softly.
“It was an overnight job. Two men. Your father needed someone he could trust.”
Hena studied his profile. She’d known him at fourteen. The kid playing football with the other boys. Shooting hoops. Laughing as though he didn’t have a care in the world. But it wasn’t true. He had been carrying a lot. More than she could have imagined.
“That must have been terrifying,” she said.
“It was a bad day.” His gaze lingered on a spot by the sofa, covered by a rug spread over the hardwood. “I hated this place at first. But over time, it became a second home. I grew to understand your father. Why he did the things he did.”
“I’m not sure there’s ever a good reason to kill someone,” Hena said.
“When people betray you, sometimes you have to do what needs doing. Your father took no joy in it, but he valued loyalty. Rewarded it. I’m proof. My dad lost his job, and we were weeks from losing our home. Your father stepped in. He saved us.”
“What if my father were here right now?” she asked. “If he were looking down on us, what would he say about the situation you and I find ourselves in?”
He flinched at her words. Slowly, he shook his head.
“I won’t bullshit you, he’d be pretty fucking pissed. No one messed with his family. It was part of the appeal of joining his family.” He broke off. “That’s why this is so hard to do.”
Looking at his torn expression, she gave him a wistful smile. “Did you know you were my first kiss?”
He didn’t reply. A tear slid down her face.
“That was a bad night,” she said. “My mother dragged me to that party. Everyone either pretended it hadn’t happened or clutched me to them and sobbed, making his loss all about them. I was trying to stay strong for Lulu, but I broke down on that bench. And you. You were there for me. The only one who actually cared.”
“I knew what you had lost. I’d lost him too.”
“I had no idea.”
“No one did,” he said. “Officially speaking, I folded linens at his Miramar hotel. When I saw you that night…”
“It was a good first kiss.”
He looked at her, bemused. Like he was wondering what she was up to.
“I mean it,” she insisted. “You don’t forget your first kiss.”
“I never forgot either,” he said. “I’d had this whole plan in my head. To honor your father’s wishes. Then, poof, Nasir came and fucked it all up.”
“I blame myself,” Hena said. “I should have seen it. I should have seen it when we kissed. I should have seen it when you’d drive me home from the parties and concerts Nasir didn’t want to leave. I should have seen it during all those late-night conversations. When you made me lattes and watched my favorite rom-coms with me. I should have known.”
His jaw twitched.
“You couldn’t,” he said. “Because of Nasir.”
“Because of Nasir. He’s a force of nature. I got swept up.”
“I spent my whole life playing second fiddle to him.”
“We know how well Nasir worked out for me,” she said. “All he did was cause me endless pain. You? You’re the one who’s always there when someone needs you.”
His chair scraped against the floor as he moved closer. So close she could feel his breath against her face. The smell of grass and pine on his jacket.
“What are you trying to do?” he asked her.
“Nothing. Just thinking about what could have been.”
“Right.” He scoffed. “You rejected me. Outside, on the deck. Do you think I forgot?”