“Are you sloshed?” I laugh, not really needing his answer to know.
“A bit.” Zach flops down on the coffee table. It starts to tip and he throws his arms out, regaining balance and returning the old table to its four proper legs. Kyle and I clap at the show; I’m impressed he’s managed to avoid being dumped onto the ground. “Not drunk enough to have that topple beat me though, was I?” We all laugh heartily.
When the laughter dies down, the three of us watch the program in silence. A male cop drops to his knee in front of a female cop and presents her with a diamond ring. A snicker escapes my lips. Oops.
“What’s that all about?” Kyle asks. “You against marriage?”
“He’s against someone’s marriage,” Zach wisely answers.
“What?” Kyle pushes.
Curiosity killed the cat, mate. Back off.
“Didn’t you hear him last night? He was going on about a wedding. I’ll be fucked if I know whose though,” Zach continues, obviously choosing to ignore the ‘fuck off’ look I’m throwing his way.
“It’s nothing; can we just watch the fucking show?”
“Sensitive,” Zach grins.
“Who’s getting married?” Kyle asks.
I clench my teeth tight and spit out the answer. “Just a girl from high school.”
“An American?” Zach turns to look at me, his face giving away his opinion of people from the states. He looks like he’s sucking on a lemon.
“Yes. Can we drop it now?”
“When were you in the states?” Kyle asks.
Apparently we are not dropping this.
“High school,” I spit, “The reunion.” Short, clipped sentences. Clearly communicating my desire to end this fucking conversation.
“Right, forgot. So this girl, you hadn’t seen her in like ten years?”
“Yes.” God, how do I explain this? “We always kept in touch like online and stuff.”
“Why are we upset about her wedding then?” Kyle asks.
“He wants to fuck her.” Zach grins, proud of himself for solving the puzzle.
“Zach,” I yell, “don’t be such a fucking wanker.”
“Am I wrong?” he challenges.
“Yes.” Okay, no, but does he really need to know that?
As Zach leaves us alone to ponder the uncomfortable conversation, I can’t help but think of Liz. Not Lindsey. Liz. The girl who somehow managed to sneak back into my brain despite a year of silence. Despite everything, she’s still the one I care about, the one who makes me question what I want and why.
“Ben, was this girl some kind of girlfriend?” Kyle asks.
“Nope. I never had a fucking claim to her, as it turns out.” But really? When am I going to get over Liz?
Chapter 53
Liz, April 1
You know what’s funny about hitting rock bottom? Everything feels like an upgrade after you’ve been there. I thought leaving Matt was my rock bottom, and in some ways, it was. But leaving him also made it clear that I could do this. I could make decisions for myself and follow through. He didn’t stop me from sleeping in a hotel for five nights, signing a lease on a tiny apartment, or showing up with a rental truck and moving my big stuff in one load. I think part of me wanted him to fight for me, but that ship has sailed.