“Well, I don’t know either,” he says.
“I guess I should let you go.”
“That would be nice.”
I see him reaching his hand toward the keyboard and I know it’s almost the end of this conversation. Probably it’s the end of us. I have to tell him one more thing. “Ben? I didn’t need anyone’s opinion. Just yours.”
He’s gone. I hope he heard me but it doesn’t matter. Not anymore. I need to do what’s best for me.
I place the box down, lean back, and rub my belly. I need to do what’s best for us. “Just you and me, kid,” I murmur. “Against the world.”
For the first time in months, I feel a spark of control. Not over Ben, not over Matt, not over life. But over myself.
Chapter 46
Liz, March 12
All day long I keep thinking about how poorly I handled everything. The ring sits on the kitchen table under a note I left this morning: “We need to talk.” At the time, it seemed like a clever plan. I would put everything out in the open — my frustration, my uncertainty, my feeling that this was too rushed — and we’d have no more secrets.
But now… what if he comes home in the middle of the day and sees it alone? I hadn’t really thought that through. He could very well stumble on it while I’m gone, and then all those emotions — confusion, surprise, maybe even anger — would be left for him to handle by himself. That’s unfair. I refuse to be the person who unloads their feelings without considering the other side.
All day I check my phone, half hoping, half fearing that he’ll call or text because he found the ring. My chest tightens with every glance at the screen.
After a full day of teaching I have a Writer's Theater group. I try to find someone to cover for me and fail miserably. So, by the time I get home, it’s almost five. The ring is still untouched, and there’s no message. That’s when I make a choice: I won’t let myself spiral in waiting. I grab my phone and call.
“Hi, you’ve reached Matt. I can’t come to my phone… ”
I hang up before hearing the rest of the message. I already know where his priorities lie. And you know what? That’s fine. This is my life, my choices, my heart. The ring can wait. I can wait. I’ve decided that I will not be paralyzed by what anyone else does or doesn’t do.
Chapter 47
Liz, March 13
“Liz,” the whisper pulls me from my dream. “Liz.” I open my eyes to find Matt sitting on the edge of the bed, fully clothed. I rub my eyes and start to sit up.
“What time —” I stop when I see the box in his hand. “Oh… you found it.”
“Yeah. What’s going on? This was on the table.” Matt doesn’t look angry, just confused. I sit up the rest of the way, sliding my legs aside to make room.
“I found it in the closet,” I admit.
“You weren’t supposed to find it that way, baby. I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” His voice is serious, almost heavy.
“You’re never here.” The words tumble out before I can stop them.
“That’s a bit harsh,” he says, looking like I slapped him.
“I’m sorry. But it’s true, Matt. That ring sat on the kitchen table for over 24 hours waiting for you to find my note. Were you even home?” Once I’ve said it, I feel a rush of release, as if a dam inside me has broken.
“I fell asleep at work.”
“You couldn’t call when you woke up?”
“I didn’t think I needed to. You’re not my mother, Liz.”
“No, but apparently you want me to be your wife. How can I be your wife if you don’t even think I warrant a phone call?” My anger is hot in my chest. I can feel it building, knowing if I let go, there’s no holding back the Liz-plosion. I take a deep breath to steady myself.
“We’re on the wrong foot here,” Matt says, noticing what I already knew. “I love you.”