I grimace but don’t reply, because it’s not true. Zoe steps behind me and I straighten up.
“May I?” she asks.
“Sure.”
She places both hands on my waist. “Try to straighten up a little more. Pull your ribs in, keep the tension, and then start the turn. Your standing leg has to do the work, not your free leg,” she repeats.
I press my lips together in frustration. I already know everything she and Mae have explained to me in the last two hours. The problem is putting it into practice.
“Want to try again?” Zoe’s eyes meet mine in the mirror. I want to say no, but it’s no use. If I give up, I won’t get any better.
So I nod, and Zoe lets go of me. I try again, losing my momentum and then my balance. Again and again. It’s so frustrating I could cry. I’m still not wearing pointe shoes yet, and even in slippers I can’t do it the way it’s supposed to be done. The way itmustbe done. I’ve been dancing long enough that I should be able to do a simple pirouette.
After the fifth miserable turn, I let myself collapse onto the floor with a groan. I’m dizzy because I didn’t focus on one point long enough before I moved my head.
“I can’t do any more.”
“Really? Or have you just had enough of pirouettes?” Mae asks. “We could work on your jetés a little more.”
“Please, no,” I beg her. If I have to do leaps now, I’ll throw up. This week has been hard, and the extra practice today is the last straw.
I hardly slept at all last night because I kept thinking about Easton and that kiss. The expression in his blue eyes as I backed away. The memory of it makes my heart clench.
Don’t think about it. Not now.
But I can’t stop. I haven’t been able to since yesterday eveningafter I got back to school. It was the first time Easton didn’t drive me. I’ve been trying to convince myself that it was just because he had to go to the Lighthouse, but I know that’s not true.
The kiss changed everything, and that can’t be denied. It also can’t be undone. Do I even want to undo it?
Yes.
No.
I don’t know.
God, I really don’t know.
“Okay, we’ll stop for today,” Zoe decides, bringing me back to the present. I resolutely push all thoughts of Easton aside. If I keep thinking about him, I’ll go crazy, and I have more than enough problems as it is.
“God, I hate this.” Sighing, I bury my face in my hands, not even sure what I’m talking about. My miserable performance, my emotional turmoil, or both. Probably both.
“No, don’t do that.” Zoe sits down next to me while Mae puts one leg on the barre and stretches in a way that makes me feel bitterly envious.
“I can’t. I’m sorry, honestly. I know I whine and annoy you too much, but I can’t help it. It’s all so incredibly awful.”
“You’re not annoying,” Mae says, smiling at me.
“You’re not,” Zoe agrees. “And it’s understandable that you’re complaining. We’d feel the same way.Ifelt the same way myself not long ago. You’ve only been here for a few weeks, and I’m sure you’ll be able to figure it out if that’s what you really want.” She nudges my foot with hers. “Can I ask you something?”
I just nod.
“Do you enjoy the classes here?”
The question catches me off guard. I open my mouth to say yes, because that’s the only acceptable answer here, but no sound comes out.
Zoe raises her eyebrows questioningly, her gaze intent. It feels like she’s looking straight inside me and seeing everything that no one else is supposed to see.
“I like it here,” I reply, and it’s not technically a lie. However, it’s only half the truth. I really do like it here at the school. I like living in the dorm with everyone else, and I like that Zoe’s and Mae’s rooms are right across the hall from mine. I’ve made friends, which I honestly didn’t expect.