“Fuck no,” said Lisanne. “I need a drink.”
They rose without speaking and went to the kitchen, a trek that took about two minutes and was conducted in silence. Nadine pulled out a bottle of wine and filled two glasses to the brim.
They went out to the garden, and Lisanne was the one to speak first. “It’s hard not to read this as you being mad that the attention is off you. It’s like you want me to be lesser so you can feel good about yourself.”
Nadine’s shoulders hiked up higher as Lisanne spoke. “That’s the most negative and selfish interpretation you could put on it.”
“Then what’s the truth?” Lisanne demanded, her voice rising.
“I’m scared, okay?” Nadine yanked on a bean plant. “I’m jealous, but not because you have a great opportunity. It’s because if I had it, I’d be scared to do it! Scared that someone is going to come after me again. Scared I’m going to blow it like I did with Dot Voline’s obit.”
By the end, her voice was ringing around the garden, and Lisanne was standing still, waist-deep in tomato plants, staring at Nadine.
“I didn’t know,” said Lisanne.
“I know, because you don’t get it.”
“I get it.” Her voice was low. “I just didn’t think it was that bad for you. I thought you needed pep talks and you’d snap out of it.”
Nadine shook her head. “That’s not how it works.”
Lisanne absently picked a few grape tomatoes. She handed one to Nadine, who took a bite. It squirted over to hit Lisanne in the arm, causing her to groan.
“Gross.” Lisanne flicked the tomato seeds off her arm with a disgusted expression, and that was enough.
It could have been the huge glass of wine she’d guzzled or the stress of this fight and her dread over having to confess that she was a terrible person, but Nadine suddenly felt too drained to keep her feelings hidden.
“I didn’t tell you because we were mostly work friends,” she said. “You know what theHeraldis like.”
“You were worried I’d use it against you to get ahead.” Lisanne sounded flat.
“Not get ahead but lose respect for me at work?” Nadine shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“I get it.” Lisanne sipped her wine, looking thoughtful. “At work, you can like a person, but you’re still competing for the same resources. Jobs, assignments. Opportunities. There can be a limit to how much you can trust them.”
She understood. Nadine relaxed a bit. “Plus the question of whether you’d be friends if not for work. How many times have you left a job and the people you thought you were tight with never called again?”
“Sometimes they do though, and the friendship continues. I think ours is like this. Who else at the office is doing hostage checks on you?”
Nadine felt the tension lift. “I would do one on you too.”
“Good to hear.” Lisanne looked at her. “I’m sorry you felt this way.”
“I really do want to hear about your work, and I’m sorry for being a bad friend.”
“I’ll keep my mouth shut about your career. I promise. No nagging, no talking to Daniel about opportunities. I’ll listen.”
“I could have been more honest,” said Nadine.
“I could have been more understanding.”
They stared at their wineglasses for a second, then Lisanne said, “Are we good?”
“Yeah.”
“Want to be my official work and nonwork friend?”
“Absolutely.” Nadine held out her palm.